The drunken lithmus and the Prince Phillip challenge
Don't have much to say this time around, but I have a couple things that may be found amusing by anyone who might care to take a gander.
There is a definitive way to determine if you're drunk. Dane Cook touched on this subject with his taxi cab toll meter theory, but I feel that he didn't take into account the possibility of being extremely tired. So, I now submit to you my own tried and true method of determining when it's time to stop: when you're leaning against the wall taking a leak, and you can feel your body making more urine after you've finished, causing you to stand there for a minute or two expunging the bursts produced as a result while you're still standing there. Many of you will scoff, some of you will likely say I'm stating the obvious, but as far as I know I'm the first to put it in writing so when Garadain's Theory of Enebriation Determination is a nationally recognized standard, you can all say you knew me when.
Somebody needs to go take Metallica's intruments away. I heard a song called "Cyanide" from their newest album, and all I'll say is the member of our drinking group that payed 50 cents to play it was mercilessly ridiculed and accused of enjoying the album Saint Anger for the remainder of the evening. A blogger on this site once wrote about how much he enjoyed it, and to him I say now: no dude, not even close. If you like it, that's fine, but to the rest of you who enjoyed Metallica back in the golden age of Master of Puppets I say STAY AWAY! Do not be swayed by those who promise the return of the golden age of Battery and Sanitarium, they're LYING! What you get is what sounds like Nickleback doing one of their "hard songs" except you get the very slight bonus of not having to listen to Chad Kroger whine like a 9 year old.
Martin Lawrence isn't funny. I don't have anything to elaborate on that, he just happens to be on tv right now and it's mildly irritating.
I know this is coming from out of nowhere, but hear me out. Prince Phillip from Sleeping Beauty could beat any other Disney prince in a fight. I've actually given this a lot of thought, and I not only welcome but encourage opposing viewpoints. Seriously, think about it. What other Disney prince has faced off with a dragon and won? He's got a +5 Dragons bane sword, a +5 shield, and I'm fairly certain that's a cloak of protection he's wearing. Sure, Aladdin comes close with his mad dexterity skills, and yeah scimitars have a wider critical range, but longswords deal more damage and besides Aladdin doesn't even have a shield. Sure, he has the magic carpet, but running away is the same as forfeiting. The guy from Mulan doesn't count, he isn't a real prince so don't even try it. On a related note, Mr. Clean could take any other commercial icon in a brawl, except for maybe the Scottish Wrigley stick of gum but that's a longshot. Wow, it's no wonder I'm single . . .
Alright, whoever told Martin Lawrence he's funny stand up right now. People, look around. If the guy sitting next to you is trying to remain unnoticed, turn their ass in.
Alright, I guess I'm done. I'm not kidding though, if you've got a sound theory on why another Disney prince could take Prince Phillip in a fight (mind you, he gets to keep his enchanted sword, shield and his horse), or another commercial icon could take down the big bad Mr. Clean please . . . speak up, because I feel like I'm the only lunatic that gives any real thought to this kind of junk.
Ooh, Steve Byrne is up next . . . maybe I won't change the channel after all . . . . .