On another site I ran some polls using old-fashioned children's rhymes. Yeah, I know this is completely corny and makes about as much sense as a sack full of assholes but it might be worth a chuckle. Enjoy it. Or not. Can ya tell my head hurts too much to blog today?

The Results:

Wee Willy Winky runs through the town...
16.67 percent: upstairs and downstairs in his nightgown.
33.33 percent: because he needs to find a condom right away.
0.00 percent: He's had too much sugar and caffeine.
50.00 percent: Because there's a manhunt for his ass.

There was a crooked man and he walked a crooked mile...
40.00 percent: He found a crooked sixpence upon a crooked stile.
0.00 percent: His knees were so darned knobby he was sterile.
30.00 percent: He had a crooked dick, and damn that felt good.
30.00 percent: I don't know why he just didn't drive.

I love little pussy; Her coat is so warm; And if I don't hurt her...
20.00 percent: she'll do me no harm.
20.00 percent: she won't have her three brothers beat me up.
20.00 percent: she'll cum in my arms.
40.00 percent: it's hard for her to get off.
(-Before you jump on my ass for this one, most of the responders were female...apparently, the women on this site like it a little rough!-)

Georgie Porgie, puddin' and pie; kissed the girls and...
0.00 percent: made them cry.
0.00 percent: made them sigh.
66.67 percent: bit their thigh.
33.33 percent: only did that 'Fake Hollywood' kiss because he's in the closet.

Simple Simon met a...
0.00 percent: pieman, going to the fair.
12.50 percent: fat ugly bastard who beat the crap out of him.
87.50 percent: woman of questionable morals.
0.00 percent: horrible fate.

Jack Horner sat in a corner...
7.69 percent: eating his Christmas pie.
0.00 percent: because he was a dunce.
15.38 percent: whacking off to his porn.
76.92 percent: getting a blowjob from his cousin.
(-Somehow, I really thought porn would be more popular than incest. Who knew?-)

Mary, Mary, quite contrary...
11.11 percent: how does your garden grow?
22.22 percent: how does your pussy glow?
33.33 percent: how good those lips do blow.
33.33 percent: you know you are such a ho'.

There was an old lady, who lived...
0.00 percent: in a shoe.
0.00 percent: in the projects.
42.86 percent: for way too long.
57.14 percent: in sin.

Jack and Jill went up the hill...
7.69 percent: to fetch a pail of water.
7.69 percent: which was kind of dumb.
30.77 percent: to the pub.
53.85 percent: and they didn't come back down for some time, and when they did their clothes were all rumpled and had grass stains.

Mary had a little...
0.00 percent: lamb.
37.50 percent: problem.
12.50 percent: orgasm.
50.00 percent: okay, so her penis wasn't little at all.

Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, eating...
18.18 percent: her curds and whey.
0.00 percent: against the advice of her doctor.
54.55 percent: her girlfriend.
27.27 percent: wait, what the hell is a tuffet?

Little Boy Blue, come blow your...
18.18 percent: horn.
27.27 percent: mind.
36.36 percent: boyfriend.
18.18 percent: self.

And if Andrew Dice Clay has a problem with this he can go dickory his dock.