Butt Cheeks

There was once a house that was shared by several people and a very large pair of butt cheeks. This buttocks lived in the house with everyone else, and for the most part got along with them or paid it's rent on time or whatever buttocks do. And everything was fine.

And the very big round butt got a computer. I forgot how. Maybe it was a gift or maybe it had got it cheap from a flea market. Or, wait...I think I remember that it bought the computer at great expense because it wanted to game online with one of those sleek SLI graphics cards.

So the but must have had a job or at least a good allowance so after it finished it's daily routine it would come home and it would slide the mouse in between it's cheeks and go online. There it would flex one cheek to left click, flex the other to right click, and run it's tail-bone over the wheel to scroll. The large buttocks became well known on several servers as a force to be reckoned with.

Then, one day it discovered eBaums World, which it enjoyed very much. It moved the mouse around by wiggling, and clicked on videos that made it laugh. It chuckled at the funny pictures and jokes, too. And, it also ruled in the games section just as it had in other gaming arenas.

But when it went to the blog section, something seemed to go wrong. It would try to comment, but whenever it mashed it's large, fleshy cheeks onto the keyboard all that came out was nonsense. Something like: “fipvivTrtYTFUYFgoijr47jr”. It could press against the keyboard for long paragraphs or short sentences, but it all just looked like a mess.

Frustrated, it decided it needed a lighter touch, so it tried cramming a pencil into it's anus and pushing on one key at a time. This was kind of painful, so it shortened what it wrote. It was able to say things like: “u r 2 hot” and “u b dum”. It kind of got the point across, but other people that had fingers could still type better and it became even more frustrated and upset.

Until one day when it just had a fit of rage. Unable to express itself, the butt smashed into it's keyboard again and again, sending plastic letters flying all over the room and eventually submitting a long and angry blog that made no sense at all. By that time the keyboard was almost completely broken and the room was a mess, but it did nothing to end the anger and frustration.

The moral of this story: Maybe blogs aren't for you if you're nothing but a huge ass.

Uploaded 11/10/2008
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