My Roommate Pooped in the Dishwasher and then Drunk Dialed Me
Last night, me, my roommate, and a couple other buddies went to this new bar called Swampgrass Billy's. Its supposed to be the coolest place in town. Brand new. The decor is supposed to be psuedo-modern cajun style with a twist of key west. Personally, it sounded like a hokey shit whole. The kind of place where the only beer on tap is budweiser and the only drinks they sell are called City Slickers. This does not sound like a good time to me, but for opening night they are having 25 cent Longnecks all night, who can argue with that.
The bar was exactly what I expected. It was something that escaped from Ted Nugents Colon. Deer mounted on the wall, bails of hay instead of barstools, Slutty cowgirls dancing with those broom sticks wiht the horse head on them on 2 giant tractors, they even had a mechanical bull.
My only options for entertainment at that point was to get my roommate incredibly drunk and then go pick up some girls from around the bar and watch him fail miserably at trying to hit on them.
The night went as planned, 25 cent beer night and the tab was $600. We did buy a lot of rounds for girls, plus a shot every 10 minutes. The interesting part was what i found the next morning....
8:00AM Turn off the alarm, head to the bathroom for morning piss, teeth brushing, and the proverbial hangover remedy cocktail consisting of 4 tylenol, half a bottle of Pepto, and left over french fries from some time in memorial i found on the counter.
8:03AM Fries were a bad idea. I puke up the hangover cocktail.
8:11AM Start the hangover cocktail ritual for the second time sans fries.
8:15AM Head into Kitchen for coffee and a cheese danish
8:18AM Log on to Myspace to try and find that chick whose tongue was down my throat last night at the bar.
8:21AM Found her, Deny her friend request, they should really come up with a warning system for people wearing beer goggles.
8:22AM Email from my roommate. I have copied it here without making any changes to it. All that you see, even the typos, are exactly as i found it. Good luck:
you are asleeping right now and Im am sending you this mesige. hold on asecind i have to pee really bad.....,,... ok, i peeed on the sinkin the kitchen becase the toilet was to far to wakl dud im sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo drunk right nokw enywya i jus waned totell you on myspaec that i love you and that i tried to maike it in gtime but i didnnt and i pooooooped in the dhish washer but itsk ok becaus i jsut turned iton afgter and it shouldbe washin away aws we speelk so i love ....hold o n i gotta go pee agin...ya know i dont know why miore poelple dont jus pee in the sink it so much gbetter then the bathrrom becausjne you dont even have to flush anythnig
8:26AM I peed in my coffee cup and put it in the microwave, then gave it to my roommate
8:29AM I ask him if he likes the coffee, he says it needs more sugar because its bitter
8:30AM I tell him it has my piss in it
8:31AM He vomits all over himself and his bed, i think his stupid little pug got some too
8:32AM He is screaming "What the fuck man?!?!"
8:33AM I punch him in the forehead and tell him about the email
8:37AM He washes the dishes........by hand