Well like all good storys i will try to start this one honestly but keep it entertaining. I was concieved by rape in a mcdonalds bathroom. My mother kept me because she wasnt sure how much the abortion was. I didnt speak until i was eight years old. My first words were never told to me but after saying them i was thrown down a flight of stairs. Have any of you read angelas ashes ??? or tis?? Sad but i will win. I had several brothers starve to death during the great mustard famine in ireland. My little sister who sang beautifully also died after blowing out her birthday cake. The doctor said she died of sars fueld by the pigeons. My older sister who managed to survive the plague is mentaly retarded now. she mainly eats what  drops off my plate at various points in the day, She sometimes fights the family dog for kibbles. She and the dog have both lost an eye to eachother. She and the dog also were hit by cars, kicked down stairs and beaten when they made too much noise..

       I am not sure where i was going with that but i will continue. My father was an alcoholic with A.d.d and lissdexia. He would often leave us to go to the pub, Then the bath houses. He would come home singing boy george and smelling of beer and vaseline.His idea of a good comeback was not burping up semen when he came home with a sore throat.. My brother became famous in the porn industry, He could fit three fists into his anus. He learned how to do it in the navy. He was very popular among the sailors. He  had a child and it died. Of shacken baby syndrome, Damn you lazy chair!! Now my family is all dead of aids and fatal stair accidents.

I am now old and i am dieing again, from a japenese bullet lodged in my spine from the grassy gnole battle of seatle. Ok i survived that was tough... Now I can start a new story where i start fresh and rejuvenated.OOh look at that I leveled up. I am now a Level 8 Cleric. Yeah!!! Bitches Eat that Frank Mcourt!!!!! I will outlive you much like i outlived my tragic fictional family... Best wishes

This was dedicated to the family i didnt lose, but wish i had.

Matt