I love slutty girls with low self-esteem. And ones with minor physical flaws like braces or a lazy eye. Not super lazy, like "i'm looking at you and behind me at the same time" lazy, but more like "i'm looking at your face and my nose at the same time". I think it's cute if a girl knows she's not perfect, but is actually still hot enough to bring out from your basement dungeon and show your friends. There's something about the simplicity of being able to manipulate and mold insecure personalities through the right balance of torture and positive reinforcement that makes my jimmy wiggle.

Or even massive physical flaws like missing limbs are pretty hot. There's nothing better than a back massage from a girl with nothing from the elbows on. It's nubbtastic. And a girl with no arms saves money on the cable bill, because with that kind of entertainment walking around the house and bumping shit with her nubs, who needs a tv? Actually, forget that, get the tv... cause you know exactly what's going to happen when you never turn it on and she wants to watch it, right? Yup... she's gonna mash the remote with her stump.

Or, possibly, having one leg longer than the other. Not only is it aesthetically gratifying, but it also goes in the "bull-in-a-china-shop" quality category with the "nub bumber". I need a woman that can make me laugh, and i can't think of anything funnier than a clumsy bitch with two different size legs walking all goofy around the house slamming into shit. nahwhaddImean?

So all you fucked up honeys out there, there's a place for you in life, and it's a little town called "on my wang-ville". If you find people whispering about you in stores or avoiding eye contact, perceivably to mask a pity glance or flat out because they are trying to get food down, feel free to hit me up. I'll bang ya.

Oh, and to all the regular broads out there... don't feel like i won't like you if you don't have any of these qualities... i have plenty of saws and brass knuckles in my garage. And i had a scholarship to play D1 baseball, so have no worries if you're wondering how you could possibly get your eyes to cross.

holla back shortttieeezzzz!!!!!!!!!