Just In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:
On a Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping".
(but that's totally the best time to work on my hair!)
On a bag of Frito's: "You could be a winner - No purchase necessary - Details inside".
(the shoplifter special perhaps?)
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap".
(don't use it like that tricky irregular soap.
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost".
(just a suggestion, of course.
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on the bottom): "Do not turn upside down".
(a bit late for that one, dontchathink?)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating".
(ya don't say???)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body".
(but this would save me a whole lotta time, man...)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication".
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head colds off those forklifts.
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness".
(good thing I'm taking this stuff to stay awake.
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only".
(as opposed to...what?)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: Contains nuts".
(now THAT is a news flash if I've ever heard one.
On a child's Superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly".
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one..)
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals".
(But what about the famous Swedish Chainsaw-Ball-Stop event in the Olympics???)