if you haven't, read my first two blogs to understand my story.

Now i'm in my car with this girl and we are heading to school and it is quiet between the two of us. Her leg is shaking like crazy and i feel it's because of my reaction that she is nervous and quiet so i break the ice and ask if everything is ok. she explains that she feels wierd, but everything is ok. I not wanting to keep the wierdness going turn on the radio and change the subject and get her to laugh then as soon as we get to school walk her to hers and tell her i'll see her later. i don't see her until the next day when after school she comes over to my house. not wanting to have my feelings of liking her funny and nice personality get the best of me i ignore her knocking, as i'm the only one home, but she is persistent. she can't possibly have known i was home but  knocks harder and harder. i never give, but she knocks for almost 5 minutes before looking discouraged though the peephole and turning around to go home. I feel dumb but don't want to let these feelings i feel for her get me into falling for her and forgeting all the things i told myself i would do in my life, and besides i need to continue making money and she is just helping me spend it. I open the door when she is far enough away to see she left a letter for me on the door. She explains to me that she thinks that i think, she wants me for the money or drugs, and explains that she is no material girl but rather just looking for true love and she just sees something in me she's never seen before. she says she is not hurt for me not kissing her back but wants to know why. she ends the letter telling me she wants me to call so that she can further explain. well being persistent, i choose to not call her til a couple of days so that things calm down, but i dont want to be a jerk, so i call her back. she tells me how that is the second time i've made her cry when we're not even together and once again i'm shocked. I have dealt with nothing but really horny girls that need sex to survive and will not let me be with them unless i give it to them, but wanting to have it be special I lose all these really otherwise great girls and i start to feel that maybe she is different. MAYBE. The first stages of me liking her come into effect mainly because she is pouring her heart out at me and she barely met me but I really feel her actions and words are very sincere. Having been cheated on and laughed at for being a virgin i knew she was being sincere. Knew it, and she was. very much so in fact. She worked at a restuarant and gave me and my buddies free food and drinks and even the keys to the pool table so we didn't have to pay so we were there for hours usually stoned. We went out another couple of times with some friends when I decided to walk her home from one of our buddies house. When we got there we sat on her porch swing and sat talking about what makes her happy, her interests and so forth and i get to know more about her.Having had a great evening together with our friends, i am feeling really glad i didn't ignore this girl when she reaches out to hold my hand. Suddenly i feel really alarmed and shocked. I suddenly realize that this is this girls emotions i am messing with and having hung out with her for a month now, her crying twice for me, and now me walking her home to sit on her porch swing with her, (which has a heart carved in the backrest) could really be leading her on. I am really confused when her dad walks out and it is about 10:45 pm and her curfew is 11:00. she tells him she will be in shortly and briefly introduces me. When we are alone again she tells me to look at how nice the moon looks and how it's a beautiful night. I tell her i agree whe i just tell her i feel she looks really nice, but even more so in this moonlight with me. She smiles and I realize she pulled her hand away when her dad came out and now she is reaching back for mine. I hold it and look at her. This time she does not try to kiss me, but after waiting for it and not getting it i decide to kiss her against what i usually feel. I just feel something for her I've never felt for any other girl. I'm not really a real gushy lovey person, but it felt really romantic under the moonlight, being here with this really beautiful girl. I kissed her and that night marked the beginning of our relationship. I sometimes wonder what would have happened if i never walked her home that night but i never regret it, and hopefully never will but there is more to this story which i will continue in my next blog. please comment on anything you wonder. i usually write better but this is not an essay for school nor a newspaper article so my punctuation may be confusing especially since i have no spell or grammar check, so if anything doesn't make sense after you have read all three blogs please ask me. i really need help and i am being very sincere.