A woman goes to a doctor with a problem. She's sat on the chair next to the doctor, and she's very hesitant about describing her problem. Eventually, the doctor manages to discover that she thinks she may be sexually perverted.
"What sort of perversion are you talking about?" asks the doctor.
"Well," said the woman, "I like to be... Ohh... Ah... Ummm... I'm sorry doctor, but I'm too ashamed to talk about it."
"Come, come, my dear. I'm a doctor you know; I've been trained to understand these problems. So what's the matter...?"
So the woman again tried to explain, but got so embarrassed that she just turned bright red and looked as though she might faint. It was then the doctor had a bright idea.
"Look," he said, "I'm a bit of a pervert myself. So if you show me what your perversion is, I'll show you what mine is. Okay? Is it a deal?"
The woman considered the offer and after a short while agreed that it was a fair request. So after a slight pause, she said, "Well my perversion is... My perversion... Oh... I like to be kissed on the bottom!"
"Shit, is that ALL!" said the doctor. "Look, go behind that screen, take all your clothes off, and I'll come round and show you what MY perversion is! Hee Hee!"
So the woman does as she is told and undresses behind the screen. She gets down on all fours thinking to herself, "Hmmmm, perhaps he might kiss me on the bum."
Anyway, five minutes pass and nothing has happened. So the woman peers around the side of the screen to see the doctor sitting behind his desk, his feet up on the table, reading a newspaper and whistling to himself. "Hey!" shouted the woman, "I thought you said you were a pervert?"
"Oh I am," said the doctor, "I've just shit in your handbag!"