I keep asking this girl out, and she keeps saying she’s busy. She doesn’t go to school and she doesn’t have a job. Do you think she’s lying? – Lonely in LasVegas

Dear LiLV,

I don’t know what you mean by “busy”, but I’ll give it a go. Have no fears my friend, your paramour is not lying to you, it’s obvious to me that your girl has VD (Volunteering Disease). She is what we call in the professional world, a “volunteer”. Volunteering is a process that many women go through in their lives from the ages of 16-25. Its symptoms include depleted self worth, misguided idealism, poversion (it means attraction to poverty), and relative indifference to success. You may also be curious to know that the predisposing factors for women to become volunteers are being unemployed and single. Preventative measures for women in the 16-25 age range usually is to go to college and/or find a husband and/or get pregnant (and/or become an atheist). Most men do not become volunteers, unless they are attracted to women who are volunteers. This is why many people believe that VD is a sexually transmitted disease. There are a few therapies used to treat VD, though the preventative measures are far more practical. These measures include flu shots (injections of influenza intended to prevent one from attendance for volunteerism), sudoku books (gives people something useful to do, since volunteering is an empty passion), and a government bond certificate (requires them to pay taxes and therefore get a REAL job). Hope that helps.

Love, Professor Genius.

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