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Pirate Play

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[The scene opens upon a ship, filled with the toughest pirates alive.]

Captain: "Stumpy! Man the port-bow!"

Stumpy: "What's a port-bow?"

Captain: "What is this, 20 questions? MAN THE FUCKING PORT-BOW!"

John: "Aye aye cap'n!" (John runs away)

Captain: "Now we're cooking with hydrogen power."

Crew Mate: "That hasn't been invented yet captain."

Captain: "Gar... Well get off your lazy arse and invent it!"

Crew Mate: "Aye aye!" (Crew mate runs away.)

Captain: "This is the worst bunch of lily-livered yellow-bellied stinky shit-heads that I've ever had the disgrace to call a crew. Is there not one among ye that's worth their weight in paper?"

First Mate: "What about me?"

Captain: "Of course y'are, you're my co-pilot."

First Mate: "You know this is a ship, right?"

Captain: "How DARE you correct me?! You'll walk the plank for that!"

First Mate: "Maybe this is a bad time to tell you, but, we couldn't afford the plank."

Captain: "Gar... Well fuck the plank!" (Captain boots the first mate off the side of the ship.)

Captain: "And let that be a lesson to all of ye!" (The first mate is heard from a distance.)

First Mate: "Owww... why would you do that?"

Captain: "What the funkin blazes?!"

Crew Mate II: "Yeah we've been trying to tell you, we hit land."

Captain: "When?!"

Crew Mate II: "It's been about 2 weeks now, but every time we tried to tell you, you just kept yelling at us and stuff... I mean, yar!"

Captain: "Well goddamnit... we really suck at this don't we?" (Whole crew nods their heads.)

Captain: "Fuck this, I'm gonna go work at McDonald's."

Crew Mate II: "Sir, that's not been invented yet."

Captain: "Gar."

brainspew Uploaded 05/17/2008
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