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Hands Down My Pants

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I have a bad habit of sticking my hands down my pants. Whenever I'm just sitting around, I have my hands down my pants. When I'm reading a book, I have my hands down my pants. When I'm typing on eBaums, I have my hands down my pants. When I'm jerking off, I have my hands down my pants.

I have a classic case of BS (Bundy Syndrome). While it may be quite subtle, this disease can be quite embarrassing.


I was hanging out in a room with a couple lady friends, and we were kicking it oldschool watching Futurama. Naturally, I had my hands down my pants giving my balls a good jiggle. This didn't seem to bother them, so I didn't think anything of it. Suddenly, as if against my own will, my hands came out of my pants and travelled in the direction of my nose. I don't know why I went to smell my fingers, it must be human nature or something. I hear lots of stories about people smelling their own farts, smelling their fingers after it's been in their armpits or the crack of their ass; I've heard many frightening stories.

Following my natural human instinct, I brought my fingers up to my nose, and breathed deep the aroma of my own ball sweat.

What I smelled should not be smelled by any normal man. It took all my strength to not pass out in front of these girls. My fingers hit a spot of concentrated ball sweat, and I nearly gagged upon bringing that shit up to my nose. My hands were forever tainted.

"Ok, try and keep it low-key, Matt. Just quietly get up, go to the bathroom, and wash your hands." My brain said.

"SWEET MERCIFUL CRAP, AND ALL THAT IS HOLY!! MY FINGERS FUCKING REEK OF BALL SWEAT!!" My mouth said.

I should have been a little more surprised with how these girls took the news. One of them said, "Yeah, I thought I smelled something funny." The other went and got me hand lotion. After various lotions, soaps, and creams, my fingers went from smelling like ball sweat to ball sweat from a French prostitute. Not that I would know what ball sweat from a French prostitute smells like, or anything....

Needless to say, I didn't get laid that night.

maiorano84 Uploaded 05/22/2008
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