Top
Advertisement

Bears Don't know Shit about Toilet paper...

Toilet Paper Pisses me off in two ways:

1) We Need to improve it, it hasn't been updated since the 50's when Mr. wimple would bitch at that one lady for squeezing the Charmin®. "Why was she squeezing it?" Because it was Two Ply! OOH They made it so much softer and squishier, and now we double our chances of not ripping it when we are tearing that ever so painful dingle berry off of our ass hair. How about five ply toilet paper, we wont have to wash or wipe our ass' for a week, then when it comes time wipe our ass for that party or court date, we can take the new SUPER ABSORBENT TURD DESTROYER, and with one quick wipe and pull we got the shit and the hair of off our ass. Who Needs Nair?

2) Those Charmin commercials with the cutesy bears and the catchy tunes. taking about HOW GREAT IT IS TO WIPE YOUR ASS WITH THERE TOILET PAPER. But sure the bears are cute, and fun, and dance and sing, but they have failed to realize one minuet detail. BEARS USE TREES TO GET SHIT OFF THERE ASS. They don't know about toilet paper, they are not a connoisseur of anal hygiene. How bout this for a Toilet Paper Commercial Idea:

(Sun Rising, It is seen through a dusty cracked window pane)

(300 lb. Balding Butcher, Wakes Up, Cleans Pizza Crust of his chest then goes to the bathroom. Flushes the Shit from his turd session the previous night, then sits down on his piss stained toilet.[Bowel and Vocal noises Echo Throughout the apartment] He stands up, Pulls up his pants Thinks to himself "AH MAN I FORGOT TO WIPE MY ASS" Pulls his pants back down [camera zooms in his newest of a collection of skid marks on his yellow tinted whitey tighties] Man Unravels the Toilet Paper Three Sheets to the end of the roll][Face shot of the Butcher, Smiling with a sigh of relief because the toilet paper is so soft and squishy, Man Looks at it to Evaluate his shit and flushes it down the toilet}

CHA CHA CHARMIN

4
Ratings
  • 934 Views
  • 8 Comments
  • 0 Favorites
  • Flag
  • Flip
  • Pin It

8 Comments

  • Advertisement