So I heard something today that pissed me---for no real reason, really. Here goes:

I was out with the dog and passed a small group of kids (probably about 14 or 15 years old) talking about music. One kid had an mp3 player with him hooked into a mini speaker. I don't know the name of the actual song, but it sampled a number of classics, from the "Let's Stay Together" verse music to the "Sweet Home Alabama" chorus hook.  When I asked the kid if he knew who originally wrote the song, he shrugged and (I swear to all that is good and holy) said "I dunno...Clapton?"

Mother fucker.

Normally sampling doesn't bother me as much as it used to (Puff Daddy's 'Come With Me', anyone??) but what really chapped my ass was the fact that these kids were totally oblivious to the fact that the verse and chorus music was ripped off from better, older bands!! What's with the total lack of respect for the artist who originally wrote that piece of music waaaaaaaaay before their grubby little middle-school ears heard it? Granted, I wasn't around for Al Green or Lynard Skynard when they first had a go at it, but I at least knew who they were growing up.  I've noticed over the years a surge of cover songs (some good, most horrible) from today's emerging artists. (I must admit that Nouveau Vague's version of "Dancing With Myself" rocks the fucking casbah. Good show, obsecure French rock band!)  

What piece of shit band covered "Under Pressure"? If I find out it was those douche-turds My Chemical Romance I think I'll try and choke myself with my Johnny Rotten action figure. I've recently heard a cover of Hillary Duff slogging her way through "My Generation".  Perfect Circle destroying the once-classic "Imagine"... I'll bet John Lennon would shit his hippie pants in disgust if he were still around to hear this trash.

What the fuck!!?!! I'm only in my early 20s; there's no reason I should feel the need to spout the phrase "music in my day never used to be this bad." How's about some original thought, you lazy new generation of "artists". Granted, covers and samples have been around in mass circulation since the early 1930s, but it was never this bad. Cover music now is almost insulting to the artist of the original version. I was always under the impression that a cover was a tribute, not a slow abortion of once great music.

Alas, even the world's greatest band Oasis have fallen ill to the bane of bad covers. If I ever catch the shithead who tried (poorly) to cover "Rock and Roll Star" I'm gonna use his Wal Mart stock guitar to tear him a new anus. 

Back to my point, though. What's with all the poorly done cover songs out there these days? Are artists getting lazier, or am I simply making the slow transition from semi-hip youngster to crusty old geezer? Anyone else notice this? What were some really horrible cover songs you've heard lately? Or are you one of the people who are totally in the dark about the origins of your favorite songs?

I fear I may have become what I used to hate: the aged, decrepid old man talking out his ass about something he has no clue about, and no business commenting on.

 Getting older sucks donkey balls. Big, sloppy donkey balls.

...shit.

-The Big Bad