Instead of buying your clothes at department stores, go to Goodwill (and rob them). It’s only illegal if you get caught. Make sure to pack heat, though. Goodwill is full of unsavory characters.

Stop paying rent. Rent is expensive.

Fly to less desirable locations for your vacation. I know the family wanted to go to DisneyWorld this summer, but have you considered Cleveland?

Eat out of dumpsters. Hobos and insecure college students do it, and so can you.

Stop going to work. With gas prices what they are, that commute is a real killer. At a mere 9 mpg, your Hummer’s daily trip to and from your pristine suburbs will really start to add up. Cut down on gas prices by only going to work three days out of five.

Stop taking your vital, life-saving medications. If you need them to live, they’re probably too expensive.

Mooch off friends.

Siphon gas. Thanks to the wonderful laws of hydrodynamics, it’s easier than you think!

Cut your cocaine with cheaper substances. Baking powder is not only safe, it’s about fifty cents an ounce.

Get a back alley abortion. They say that an abortion is cheaper than raising a kid, and boy are they right. But at around $100 a pop, abortions are still pretty costly. Find a friend to do it for free with a coat-hanger.