5. Gentleman of Leisure. Good thing you studied all those classical texts, because you’re going to need them as a 17th century noble. Judging by your choice of studies, you’ve got a lot of money and a lot of free time anyway, so just kick back, relax, and make sure your peasants are working.

4. Some Career in No Way Dependent upon Your Degree. Most successful Liberal Arts majors make a living in spite of their college experience. Maybe you know some coding. Maybe you had some great summer internships. Hell, even just aim lower. Being a waiter is an honorable profession.

3. AmeriCorps. How does a cool $13,000 housing stipend and some food stamps sound in exchange for a 50-hour work week, no benefits, and no sick days? You might be better off share-cropping (see above).

2. The Military. You’re smart, articulate, well-read, and versed in the greatest philosophies of our intellectual tradition. Of course, the military isn’t looking for any of those things. On the other hand, there’s a war on, so they pretty much have to take you, and they’ll give you a useful life skill (like being a soldier).

1. Graduate Student. Get off the couch, stop feeling bad about yourself, and take out some more loans. How does a Master’s Degree in the classics sound?