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Dick Cheney's Expert Shotgunmanship

In February 2006, while duck hunting with some friends, Cheney spotted Mahmoud al-Yamskiriq, a low-flying Palestinian quail that he identified as having ties to Al Qaeda, as well as having a weapon of mass destruction in its beak/cockpit. He immediately pulled out his bazooka, which until previously had been deviously disguised as his right arm, with the intention of "blowing away that terrorist bird". He missed, however, and hit Harry Whittington, who promptly exploded in a thunderous ball of fire and noxious gas like a dying star.

Democrats jumped on this opportunity to criticize Cheney, arguing that he should have used a nuclear missile. "If you're going to shoot someone, you might as well finish them off!" screamed Hillary Clinton, "Our vice president is incapable of even having a proper hunting accident!" Others criticized him for shooting his friend in the first place.

However, it wasn't the first time a member of the U.S. government had been involved in a potentially deadly accident during a sporting event. Abraham Lincoln drowned a man once during a game of Marco Polo, Harry Truman shot down two jet planes that he mistook for geese on a hunting trip, George Washington accidentally bit a girl's head off during an overly passionate game of spin the bottle, and Herbert Hoover stabbed an entire building full of people during a drunken game of pin the tale on the donkey.

 

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