Melgibson, Next Time You Have A Thought....Let It Go.
Ok, so a part of me thought to myself earlier in this month "Hey Mega, you're the man, and you have a huge schlong." Then after high-fiving myself for a good twenty minutes and doing a celebratory naked lap of my office, I thought to myself "Hey Mega? Maybe melgibson doesn't deserve to be made to look like such a fat cocksucking virgin who should be sent back in time to when they made the movie "Deliverance" and swapped out with the fat guy who they made squeel like a pig."
And then you had to go do something fat.
You were like the slaves from Amistad mel, right before the guy from blood diamond stands up and starts yelling "GIVE US FREE!"....so close, so close to freedom from my incessent and HILARIOUS degredation of everything you are and stand for. I am of course referring to my award winning series "Melgibson's: Thing That Fit Up My Ass."
I was ready to let it go Mel, I truly was, but then i came across this lovely little tid bit in the forums titled "Melgibson Blog Format aka I love cock" (Ok it didn't say aka I love cock, but pretty much everything you do implies it, mostly the way you smell like sperm nuggets the full 7 days of the week, not that i've ever met you in person thank god, but we can all assume without it making an ass of u and me.)
So anyway, this DaVinci-of-blogs level piece reads as follows:
[steal shit from matt}
[say how big a fag Megafail08 is, and how he likes to stick hot pokers up his dick hole while his boyfriend fucks him in the ass with an AIDS stricken dick.}
[misspell THE and bitch about how it pisses you of when other people misspell it]
Where to begin Mel, where to begin.
First off, let me address how you chose to shit on the time honored tradition my bretherin and I have of sticking hot pokers up our "dick holes", as you called them. We of course refer to it by its proper name; "the male vagina."
Let me give you a little lesson in how to win a blog battle against someone who's smarter then you mel.
Tip 1: Give up.
Tip 2: Take a long walk, off a short bridge, and let your parents finally enjoy retirement without having to take care of their 35 year old man-child who just REFUSES to stop wearing diapers and breast feeding.
Seriously mel, you trying to pair up against me is literally an excersize in futility, don't start sweating, i didn't actually mean excersize, it's a figure of speech. I'm gonna refrain from putting a Muhammed Ali quote in here cause I don't want you to think I have palsy (haha couldn't resist), but to stay on topic, you are a huge waste of life and are probably very very fat. You know who you must look like mel? You must look like a mix of gene shallot and drew carey, and if you are going to try and tell me I'm wrong, then I INSIST you post photographic evidence. Until you do that, you will be foreknown as shalley. Or gew, pronounced either Jew or Goo, whichever is more hilarious, situationally.
By the way, I've posed a question to myself earlier and because I'm such a funny motherfucker, I pooed myself a little bit. What do you think hurt your mother more, the actual birthing of a 28 pound child, or the mental anguish of knowing from the moment she first saw you that you were going to be the worst decision she ever made? I'm not trying to get personal here...oh wait, haha, yes I am! Do you think your mother resents your dads penis because he carried the anti-christ semen that forced you into her uterus, ruined her vagina, and by proxy, her entire life? I bet she does, I bet your dad's little 1-inch wonder is the kryptonite to her superman; the horse to her Christopher Reeves, if you will. (Too Soon?)
The only regret I have in not actually knowing you in person is that I have to base my insults on well informed assumptions from the way you attempt at wit and stumble through insults like a retard trying to fuck a door knob. I award you no points for your last blog, and may god have mercy on your soul.
PS: I missed this, thanks for reminding me why you're such a good time.