War Against Squirrels
Why did i write my last blog? This is how it all began....
...It was a normal day like any other. I was walking up around my house when I saw it... a squirrel sitting underneath a tree. I don't know why I did it, but I picked up a rock and threw it at the squirrel.....It hit dead on. The squirrel ran underneath a car next to the tree. I laughed, thinking it was funny at the time. I stopped laughing when I realized that the squirrel was following me through some tall grass. It stopped when I reached my house and it just watched me until we I went in my house. The next day, and every day afterward, there was a squirrel up in the tree, sometimes two of them, sitting there and throwing leaves and small branches at me. So it was war.
I wasn't going to sit around and wait for Squirrel (the one I hit, who is the leader) to come and finish me off. I was going to retaliate. I called upon my allies, the pigeons. They joined me happily, for they too were fed up with the squirrels. My secret service followed me to school and everywhere I went, sitting on top of the roof and power lines, watching. Wherever I went, there was at least one pigeon somewhere nearby. So it goes on, the squirrels making one move to annihilate me, and the pigeons mostly foiling their plots. One day we will find Squirrel's hideout, and then we shall finish them off once and for all!!!
Warning: By reading this right now, you have put yourself in danger of an attack by these... evil things. Sleep with one eye open...
HOW TO PROTECT YOUR SELF
1) SHOOT IT. before it attacks you...
2) AVOID GETTING CHARGED WITH THAT "animal CRUELTY"
-stay away from ALL PETA MEMBERS
WARNING: FLYING SQUIRRELS ATTACK TOO
How Does One Protect Thou Self from these Arial Attacks?
1) Carry an umbrella EVERYWHERE you go
2) Whenever near or under suspicious trees, out your umbrella up...
WARNING:: ALBINO SQUIRRELS [the most dangerous]
THESE GUYS ARE DANGEROUS..
-Keep spray paint with you.
-If you see one, spray it with spray paint,
They should retreat (power is drawn from its white coat)
MAY GOD, or Buddha, or Allah, OR WHOEVER... BE WITH YOU..
THAT IS WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE..
JOIN ME NOW, IN THIS WAR AGAINST SQUIRRELS!!!
Join this group http://www.ebaumsworld.com/groups/view/767 and show your patriotics against the squirrels!!!
- What the squirrels don't want you to know -
You've seen them high up in the trees and inside shrubs big and small. On the busiest city streets and most remote of meadows. They can swim and scale vertical walls. Their teeth and claws are sharp and can rend flesh easier than a fat kid can eat his way through a wall made of fudge. Squirrels have an agenda that you might not know about. Sure they look cute and harmless, seeming to live their lives eating nuts, playing in the trees, and chasing each other across your front lawn. The fact is they have far bigger plans: Global domination and human enslavement. This Anti Squirrel website is here to tell you what the squirrels don't want you to know.
- My Goal
The goal of this blog is to educate the population of the potential devastation squirrels are capable of and to uncover their plot for global domination, while continuing to push the envelope in ground breaking anti-squirrel tactics.