Fourth Wall part 2
So here it is, the continuation of my story, still more to come after this. tell me what you think. same warnings as last time
His door slammed shut. Good riddance. Another frustrated denizen of his bed had fled from him in irritation. He gave them what they came for. They expected performance out of such a beautiful creature, and he gave it. They didn't want to be pleased. Not after awhile. They wanted to feel superior. No such luck with him. No one ever returned his gift. He thought himself unable to be pleased. Almost.
She would be here tonight.
He could feel her every time. Hear her voice. But no image ever greeted him. He thought it his own personal delusion for so long. That it was. But an enjoyable illusion. an illusion that could do things no other being could. And illusion that could bring him to climax many times, as she would whisper to him about how she would set him free. How they could be together. As if that could ever be so.
But still he could feel her touch, and he could hold her when it was over, hear her voice in his head until sleep claimed him. And when he awoke she would be gone.
"I don't understand why. She must have been good.."
"It's not just about orgasm. It's about feeling complete. I didn't care about the pleasure. I care about a different need. The need to press my nakedness against someone else. It was...Freeing" he didn’t have a better word.
she seemed to be laughing against the back of his neck. "I can do that."
He wanted to laugh and sigh at once. "Yes. And you do. But that's not intimacy in the way I mean. For everything we are. We are not lovers."
He turned then, wondering if these words would make her upset.
"Nor would we ever be. But no one is as close to you as I am, and no one as close to me as you."
He wanted to hold her. "That is true. but it does not fill the need I meant."
She curled up against him, throwing her legs over his hips. "I know. Even now in this position...you feel nothing. you don’t react."
He traced her cheek with the edge of his fingers. "You are beautiful. I should feel something."
She brushed her lips over his, but neither made it anything else, and it felt as normal as everything else. "But you don't."
He smiled. "It's funny in a way...That we can do so many intimate things, and yet we are like brother and sister. Funny...and strange...But it's something."
She lay her head over his so her cheek rested against his shoulder. "It's something. I just don't have words for it."
it was a strange feeling. To be so secure in such weakness. To hand over his life to her so she could own him. to lay here being held like he would run if she released him.
He shifted, trying vainly to turn in her uncomfortably rigid embrace.
"Could you ease up alittle I'm not going to run."
She didn't believe him, but she released him completely. Let him run and leave her solitude complete. this game was tiring.
He turned all the way around to look at her, observing the momentary shock there on her face before it washed away.
"You really think I'll leave?" he wanted to sometimes. but it was just a question.
"Yes." that was all.
He put his arm over her side. For all her unusual strength, ashe was still so much smaller then him in many senses of the word. she was a few inches shorter and had a body so much more petite then him. where ever her ability to render him immobile with little effort came from, it wasn't from the body he had his arm around now.
She seemed unsure what to do, besides stare at him.
"Can't I be the strong one sometimes?" he mused out loud. he didn’t think shed answer and he knew the answer anyway.
She wanted so much to let him be the one to lead. to take care of her as she felt she did for him. but if he had the power he would use it, and cast her off. she knew he would.
She became quickly aware of the fact that her facade of power was failing her and cast a look of anger on her face. "Never. You are weak."
He saw the mask slide over her again and sighed inwardly. He thought he had broken through it this time. "Just let me hold you Ashe. Can I do that?"
Many emotions passed over her face quickly. Her immediate reaction was to refuse him. But her insecurity was climbing its way out of the pit she kept it in, and she wanted so much to be held. just once.
She became very slowly compliant in his embrace as he drew her across the bed, turning so her back was toward him. She still looked angry, but as soon as she knew he couldn't see her face she allowed it all to fall away and she looked happy for just a moment.
He felt for once that she actually was what she looked like. He held her thin frame firmly, feeling for once like he was protecting her. In the morning it would be different he knew. she would be his master again. but for now, this moment, this is how he wanted to remember her always.
He sighed into the cold night air as he made his way to Julianna's car, carrying his clothes in front of him. He didn't feel like putting them on again right now.
Juliana looked at him sideways like she could see his thoughts spilling out of him.
"I was thinking about the time that makes me miss her the most."
Juliana nodded sadly. Why did she ever bring this subject up?
"For just a moment. I saw what I thought was really in there. I saw the real Ashe."
"You've told me about the real Ashe." she almost cursed. "You told me how she treated you. I don't even understand the whole thing really. If I were not your friend I wouldn't have believed it."
He knew what she meant. She was referring to her nature. Ashe wasn't anything possible by any sense of the word.
"Sometimes I wonder if I dreamed it. Maybe that she just wasn't..." she just wasn't. That's what he wondered. Was Ashe. Or was she not.
"You make it sound so real."
"But think about it. What if you loved an illusion. What if you realized that what meant so much to you wasn't even real. could you deal with it?"
He realized too late what just came out of him.
"You loved her?"
He looked down. "No dammit...I was illustrating a point."
"No...You said you loved her. I know you, you hate that word."
He looked up, suddenly losing his focus. "I hate that word because there is no past tense. I didn't love her as in I don't now. I love her still. It won't ever leave me."
Julianna was quite for a long time as she unlocked the car and Nathaniel let himself in. she started the car, but didn't go anywhere. she just sat there inhaling slowly.
He started counting her breathes in the silence. He couldn't help it. It was so unnerving to just sit here.
"Then why did you leave?"
He was shaking his head. "Because she would have destroyed me. But I'll take her memory to the grave with me. Even if she was never real, i won't ever get that piece back."