The M Ms incident
Let me tell you all a story bout a man named Jed. Actually, his name was Scott, and he was a total douche. Sometimes he would talk for hours about his "superpowers." He was the type of guy who thought he could win any fight. Im sure you know the type.
So one day at work, I come to the break room to enjoy a bag of hard earned m&ms, which will now be referred to as mms. Why hard earned, do you ask? Did sparks have to fight off a legion of hungry prostitutes for this bag? Did he have to climb a mountain? No, I had to drive to the store. Hard earned indeed.
So I get back there, and lo and behold, Scott is eating my mms. What the fucking shit? Who the fuck eats other peoples fucking candy? As you can tell, I'm still a bit upset about it. I decided to get even.
Later that day I bought another bag, ate all the mms, then filled the bag with rocks and dirt. Oh yes. I flame sealed the bag gently. It looked good. I waited until Scott was working again and left the bag on the break room table.
Four broken teeth later and I was out of a job.