Can you pronounce BRANDON? 

Can you?  It's easy... 2 syllables.  BRAN-DON.

How about DAMON? 

DA-MON.  Easy right?  Maybe not...

Atleast not for a 3-year old.  My step son, Damon, can't say his own name.  He says Bay-Mun.  Cute huh?  He can't say my name either.  He calls me Ban-Dun.  Sometimes it's Aban-dun.  Yeah, makes me feel great...

We were driving Christmas day, and an asshole cut me off.  Under my breath, I mumbled "..fucking car..." and that started a revolution in what I like to call "Selective Pronunciation".

This little guy looked at me in the rear view and said "FUCKING CAR!" Loud and perfect.  Making sure to stress each sound and syllable PERFECTLY...

That's right, he pronounced it PERFECTLY!  "FU-KING CAR".  He said that shit like he was TEACHING ENGLISH AT THE COMMUNITY COLLEGE.  "F-UCK-ING-CAR!"  great... will anyone know he learned it fom me?  I start practicing my surprised look.

Now no matter how many times we correct him on his name, getting right down in his face and trying to teach him "Day....Mun....come on now, D, as in Dog, D-AY-Mun!"  He still says BayMun... cute... isn't it?  My wife is a kindergarten teacher, so we know how to encourage and correct... but it's still tough... But then he says "FUCKING CAR" perfectly...

I bought him a new hot wheels ramp for christmas, it takes a little car and shoots it through a loop-d-loop and it soars off the ramp.  I showed him how to do it and it worked just fine.  He puts the hot wheel in the launcher and pushes the button and it flies off the track missing the loop.  "FUCKING CAR!"  In front of the whole famn damily!  FUCKING CAR!

Now as parents, we are not supposed to laugh at this shit.  That will only encourage it's use.  But I can't help it.  I bite my tongue and purse the hell out of my lips, chuckling my stifled laughs and swallowing them as I sound like I am having a stroke, and we all chime in to try and give him OTHER words to use... "Darn Car!  hahah Darn Car", or "Dumb Car!  That's better!"  Never telling NOT to say it, because that will solidify it in his mind.

"FUCKING CAR!"  He says with absolutely perfect clarity.  He now calls me Daddy-B, because my name is not FUCKING.  If it were, he would have my name down pat.

OK, now... bye-bye grandma and grandpa, as we walk them out...

"Give grandma a kiss damon...."  He kisses her and she has a little trouble getting into her lexus... as Damon gladly points out his disgust for her FUCKING CAR.

Wonderful...

Namaste, you english-challenged bastards...