DO NOT TOUCH DAY 5
I am performing an experiment. I am trying to not touch myself for 1 week.
I have started Day 5.
Okay, I've gotta see this stupid experiment to its miserable conclusion.
This was the worst idea I've ever had.
One of my smart friends said that in science, if an experiment is going in an obvious direction, they stop the experiment. Kinda like the Mercy Rule in Pee-Wee League Baseball when you are losing 15-1.
But no. I am a hard-headed bastard. No mercy for me!
I feel nauseous. I'm totally going through withdrawal like a drug addict. I'm shivering. I'm shaking. I have a mouthful of chocolate bars. I NEED it!
My body is actually hurting.
I can imagine the future.
I die and go to Heaven:
GOD: Remember that time when you decided to not touch yourself for a week?
ME: Uh, yeah.
GOD: That was hilarious.
The beginning ....