The old man in a bar. Very entertaining!
I have always hated old farts. They have caused me a lot of problems. I really hate it when they think they have to drive too slowly on my roads! Yes, they are all my roads, the govt. steals enough money out of my pay checks and I buy enough gas and beer, etc, that I have paid enough money to call them all my roads!
Anyway, I was at a bar in Killeen, TX, just off base of Ft. Hood and I saw an old guy in there who pissed me off! I dont remember what the fucker did to irritate me so much, it is not important I guess. But I just forgot about it and left the guy alone that night. I was with five other guys that were all pissed off at him to. Any way we just decided to mind our own business and let the guy live.
The next weekend, we all went back to the same bar; I went with the same guys as I was with the previous weekend. We saw this douche bag, old man in the bar again. At first, we all ignored him and just started drinking. But the more I drank and the more I had to look at this stupid ass, old man, the more pissed off I got!
I started out drinking beer, and I was doing just fine. However, one of my friends dared me to take a shot of Tequila. I normally dont drink Tequila (Or, as some people call it: To kill ya). So I took two of them. Then I got really pissed off and violent tempered.
Now I began to really beg my friends to help me out.
I said, Lets drag that guy out in the parking lot, beat the shit out of him and take all his damn money!
My friends are all like, No, we cant do that. Just leave the guy alone!
I said, No, the more I look at him, the more he pisses me off! I want to kick his ass! I dont really need you guys help to beat up an old man, but if I do it alone, then you guys are witnesses! I need you all to hit him at least once each, so you are all just as guilty as I am and you cant tell on me!
They all said, No, we are too chicken shit to do that. Leave the poor, old guy alone!
I said, Come on, he is 85 years old! There is one of him, six of us, hes old, were young, we can take him!
We can call an ambulance when we are done, that is fine! But first, we must do two things: We have to knock him unconsous then take all his money! That way, he wont remember us when the cops get here and we will also have all his money! Hell, he is drinking so much beer; he obviously has a lot of money! Lets steal it all!
That dumb ass was drinking more than any young people. At his age of about 85, that is not good any way. I would have done him a favor if I took all his money. Then he will not cause himself any health problems from the beer!
Well my friends would not help out and I didnt need them around as witnesses, so I couldnt beat up the old man. Damn! Too bad! That would have been so much fun to! LOL.
They sold raffle tickets at the bar for a $100 bar tab. My friends and I bought a bunch of them. Then we wanted to leave early, before the drawing. So I walked around the bar trying to sell the raffle tickets before we left. I approached everyone in the bar, except that damn old guy of course. I asked them all to buy the raffle tickets. I was doing some fast talking, sounding like an auctioneer. One guy I talked to complimented me on my sales pitch and offered to hire me to sell used cars!
While I was trying to sell the raffle tickets, I was sexually harassing all the waitresses.
To make a long story short, the last person I approached trying to sell the raffle tickets was a bouncer standing at the door!
He said, No, I am not buying them. I work here! Why would you try to sell them back to the bar! I could have you arrested now for that!
I am thinking, Oh shit!
The bouncer told my friends Get him out of here before I throw him out!
I told my cousin about this, he laughed and said, You hit him once and he would have probably had a heart attack.
I said, Good! That will teach him to piss me off!
I know, a lot of you out there are saying something like: OMG, the Raging Rent-A-Cop is at it again!
Believe me; I anxiously await your dumb ass comments! And the good ones to.