Republican Controlled Weather Satellites Cause Snow Storm in North Carolina, Forcing Many Dems to Cancel Inauguration Parties.
AP-Raleigh, North Carolina.
G.O.P subsidiary DynCorps weather-control satellites have caused several inches of snow to fall across much of central North Carolina, closing roads and crippling infrastructure and forcing many exuberant Democrats to cancel their Inauguration Day plans.
"Well, its the first time in three decades that we as a state have voted for a Democrat for President." said one prominent Womens Democratic Party member.
"We're very disappointed, we were really looking forward to watching the Inauguration with other like-minded people and celebrating 'til the wee hours of the morning. But fuck it, I love snow, we never get snow!" said another sullen democrat.
When reached for comment, one Homeland Security official, speaking on the condition of anonymity had this to say, "We were afraid that all the exuberance and parties would cause a backlash in this historically conservative bastion. Hell, they voted for Jesse Helms even after he was dead. As a write in, he still got 15% of the vote in last years senate race. We were doing them a favour, we know whats best."
Republicans were mostly unavailable for comment, as many had holed up in well provisioned bunkers and Baptist Churches in anticipation of the coming Apocalypse. Many had finally found good use for all the plastic sheeting and duct-tape that they bought as a result of former vice president Dick Cheneys warnings eight years ago.
Police Departments and hospitals were initially inundated with calls from concerned North Carolinians this morning. "We had to reassure them that it was not Anthrax, but that it was in fact snow. We tested at several sites throughout the morning, and we're 95% positive that its snow. It's been a while since we've seen the stuff." said a Moore County Sheriffs Office spokeswoman.
North Carolinas Terrorism Defense Level was taken from yellow (elevated) to holy fuck its actually snowing as a result.
See you at Dead Mans Ridge!!!!