SJG's blog about overhearing her neighbors engaging in an outdoor 'bar-b-screw" reminded me of when I lived in an divey apartment and heard the neighbors having sex.
This couple happened to be gay but they weren't the well-groomed, culture-loving kind of gay. They were the fat, oily, balding, beer-swilling kind that stayed home and collected their disability and let their filthy little, nappy, tear-stained eye poodle, Joey, poop and piss on their porch to the point where their deck railing was beginning to corrode. Make a mental note of Joey as he plays a roll in the sex story. (Bet I got your attention now!!!)
My livingroom was on the other side of their bedroom wall. I could picture the stinking room festooned with boxes of petrified pizza crusts, ashtrays overflowing with generic butts, carpet stained with beer and spent man-love. The unmade bed covered in dog hair and RITZ crumbs.
A voice. Middle-Aged Gay Guy says, "ya know what I wanna doooo...? I wanna get some beer... take some rope... I got some in the car.... and you can tie me up. We'll get the dildo (DON'T FORCE IT THIS TIME)..." then there was some inaudible murmurring.
I'm not lying, he SAID that!
Later there was moaning and more mumbled talk. Of course I had turned off my TV to hear better. When the moment of truth arrived I heard Middle-Aged Gay Guy oh-Godding immediately followed by, "Joey...Joey... Joe-Dog. *whistle* here, Joe-Dog"
You see, whenever one of them came, they would call the ratty little poodle. I don't know if they were letting Joey lap up the succulent spoodge or if the dog was actually part of the act. I'm not making any part of this up. It was without a doubt the nastiest situation. I guess I had surpressed it until SJG's blog. Thanks a lot.