Tonight I went to visit my son. I like to hang with him but what I HATE about his house are the TV's. There are 5 televisions in different rooms and usually all 5 will be on at once, usually tuned to different programs. Usually...REALITY SHOWS.

I don't watch much TV (ugdork says smugly while enjoying the smell of his own farts) and cannot stand stupid reality shows. I don't mind COPS now and again. I like it when they chase black people who run. The cops ask them why they ran and the answer is always the same, "I was scared, man!"

The reality shows I hate are the ones where the shit is obviously scripted or the ones that end with someone being eliminated or voted off. The latter are usually contrived if not scripted as well.

I was exposed to 2 new "Reality" shows tonight. The first was called Operation Repo. The acting was so bad that it made Reno 911 look like a Tom Brokaw documentary. Every repo the crew went out on was some weird situation that, as they would have you believe, is all in a day's work for Repo men. The one I saw had them repo-ing a newlyweds' car, cans still tied to the bumper. Yeah right.

The other show I saw was called, "I'm a (D-list) Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here." It was a Survivor rip-off with "Celebrities" as contestants. There was a fat black female comedy duo I had never heard of, some beautiful people with fake boobs, the fat Baldwin brother, and a flamingly, burningly, steamingly, gay Indian guy named Sanjia. BabyMama explained that he was once on American Idol. The host had all the charm of an employer announcing salesman of the year at the company banquet.

The celebs had to eat bugs and get covered with bugs and roll aroung with bugs to see who could last the longest. They did well but I'm sure some of those nasty chicks on there are used to having bugs crawling on their bodies. The gay dude won.

I think they should take the actors playing the debtors on 'Repo' and put them on 'I'm a Celeb' and have them fight to the death against Gary Coleman, Joe Buttafuoco, and the guy who played the Soup-Nazi. Maybe throw in a boxing match between Patrick Swayze and Michael J. Fox, have all the chicks topless and rubbing oil on eachother, then I might watch. Maybe.