This is a term all too familiar to most men. When a man says he has a code red, get the fuck out of his way. A code red is a term often used by men to refer to the fact that they need to shit, bad. And by bad we mean its on its fuckin way out and there is no retreat.

Code reds can occur anytime, anywhere. They just dont give a fuck. Church, school, work, anywhere. Your driving in your car on a nice family vacation and when the alarm goes off, your mini van is cutting people off doing 120 mph down the highway. Youll find yourself tossing things out the car suchs as suitcases, food and water, your wife just to get to the next exits gas station so you can torture the unlucky son of a bitch toilet you choose.

You will shit in public if you have to, because frankly, during a code red all shame goes out the window. Your main goal is to just not shit in your pants. Lets say your asked to stand on a float for the st patricks day parade. All is going well when the red lights start flashing. Youve been hit with a code red and the parade just started. You try to leave but the fruitcake float director will not let you off that float or hes putting a brick to your newborns face. So halfway through the parade you reach the point of no return. This is where you are asked to make that game time decision. And this is the part where you dont give a fuck. You drop your pants and shit right on the float for all to see. Fox news, NBC, every fucking channell has you the next day shitting on a float. Even fucking nick at night has a story on it. But all men will say a couple fine words after laughing at.

"You gotta do what you gotta do"

Amen.