The Flying Spaghetti Monster...
Here's the deal, there is no such thing as religion at all. There is only the flying spaghetti monster. If you think about life everything revolves around noodles. Here are a few examples: hair, dongs, lamp posts, table legs, chains, ropes, etc. Everything revolves around noodles! We have to realize all the fying spaghetti monster has gave us and give him thanks. So tonight before you go to bed, pray to the flying spaghetti monster to forgive your soul for not believing in him. Ask him to take you in as his little noodle and guide you through your noodly life. Then you can proudly announce that you are a Patafarian.
WARNING: THIS IS ONLY A JOKE, I DO NOT REALLY FEEL THIS WAY!