i keep having breaks with reality. or what most consider reality. i once described what i experience to a guy i was in the army with. he was from northern california and used to be heavy into acid, shrooms, and any other drug he could do that didnt require shooting up. he said i pretty much described an acid trip. i have never done acid. my body feels light, almost non-exsistant and people around me seem only two-dimentional like a movie. sometimes faces distort and sometimes i hear voices. i once stared at a lamp for 20 mins because it was talking to me. nothing crazy like "go kill yourself", just like normal small talk, but it was a lamp. it's not really scary unless it happens when i'm driving. i get tunnel vision and the object at the furthest point in my vision rushes up and becomes extremely clear like looking through a telescope. the voices have been loud enough for me to jump before. it's sporatic, but i can remember when it didnt happen so often. feels like my brain is twisting and rolling over in my skull. hard to really explain. like a flip feeling. my skin will goosebump up and hair stand on end. ever close your eyes and imagine yourself suspended in space, drifting? slowly atoms escaping your being, and you can see them, escaping off into eternity. but you're at peace with this. it's your death yet you dont fear it, dont fear the reaper, because you know you are returning to whence you came. to the universe to become something else......a star, a planet, a comet, an asteroid, a plant, a human. and then just as suddenly WHAM! i'm back in my body. back to reality. each time gets longer and like i said they happen more often.

am i slowly going insane, or the fact that i have the cognigtive ability to ask that question in turn give me my answer and the answer be no? *sigh* or maybe i'm just a fucked up person and i'm not going insane, i'm already there and all this is a figment of my fevered brain. locked in the shitty prision my brain has cooked up for me and my physical self is rotting away in some hospital bed on a resperator.

crazy shit.