The Return of the Great Pussification
Yesterday, I read a blog by MegaFail and it stayed on my mind. It made me think a lot about my sister and how my mom is babying her to death. Koryne is never trusted for anything, not crossing the street, not to make sure shes got what she needs to spend the week end at her dads. My mom lives right in front of the school my sister goes to, yet every morning, she stares at my sis crossing the street to 'make sure'. When I was 7, I had a boulevard to cross to go see my friends and my mom forced me to do it alone. She would watch me from upstairs saying I was gonna be alright. Like she could pull on the crub if a car came speeding...
I HATE competition. So what if someone does better than me? Im still good at stuff, right! Everyones good at something. If I get challenged to something, chances are Ill say whatever you wanna hear to get out of it. I really dont care about winning because whenever Im on top, its never as sweet as I hoped for. What if I fail? I dont know... its Ok because Im good at other things! And thats the song parents and teachers of the 80s and 90s have been singing to us since birth.
When I was a kid, there wasnt any pressure to have good grades. I did have very good grades most of the time without making a real effort. I always sucked at math tho. If there was something I didnt understand right away, Id just give up. I had such high scores in other subjects it didnt matter, my average would still make me pass. My mom was cool with that, she promised to love me for ever and always no matter if I passed or not. And who the fuck needs good grades in math when your mama loves ya so much, right? Just for the record I never repeated a grade and I got my high school diploma without having to go to summer school or night classes. Got it on the first try at 17.
Ive tried to get ahead in a few of my jobs. I never did! There was always some younger, less experienced other character that would steal it from me. It wasnt always because they deserved it more than I did, its because they were thriving for it and they got out there and won the 'competition' to the boss' heart over me. All those years that Ive just been doing the best I could at work, smiling and waiting nicely for a boss to notice my worth just got me nowhere.
I know I can do it but somehow because I dont care to prove to anyone that I can, so I just dont. So go ahead and try to convince me that next time the opportunity shows up, Im gonna be up for the fight and ALSO feel like it was worth it afterwards....