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Some of my best comments.

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I was going through my old comments and decided to compile my favorites.

- I wanna' have sex with your slippers.

- To Dildozer: Before I go, I'd like to ask you who the fuck you think you are. You're a nobody. You never post anything worth reading. Fucking twit.

- About my old lady avatar: Smells like pee and dust and tastes like death.

- DRINK MY BATHWATER.

- 80/F/THE SAUNA WAITING FOR YOU.

- I just killed a goddamn huge roach. I almost missed it. They run like KENYANS!

- I beat off so much that I'm chaffing. I put some chaffe skin in your cereal. Never eat my ice cream again.

- Long as fuck, bruh.

- I shot my clout in your grandmother's fishtank.

- This is why I hate train sets. You people better hope I don't become a god when I die.

- On all hallows eve, just before sunset, I begin dawning my robe of invisibility and paint my balls orange and black. Then I cut a hole in a plastic pumpkin and insert my balls. Yeah. Trick or treat, mother fucker. Trick or treat indeed.

- I want a coffee cup that says "Teabag me like you used to."

- I'm on Omegle now if you want to keep looking for me. I figured it out to be about a 3% chance that you'll find me at any time within the next 3 hours.

- What do you expect when you wear a white t-shirt with no bra while doing the dishes and you accidentally dip your boobs in the water. By the way, you should water the bushes.

- I heard that if you open the butt flap on a space suit and fart in space it will turn you inside out.

- I'm studying for a duel associates degree in Ninja Death Touch and Video Game Programming.

- I feel like you're saying these things just to make me angry so I won't want to have sex with you tonight. Is it that hussy again?

- I don't need viagra! You're just too ugly for me to get it up.

- I GET IT NOW! MikeHockuslong = My Cock Is Long. Haha! That's full of win. ;) It's gonna' be a good day.

- You're late for your brazillian wax. Sit on the chair with your balls through the hole.

- Let me guess. ***** behind the counter?

- aaronch, it makes me sad when you text TBC in the middle of our dates.

- You look like pictures of my grandma. Except she had pretty saxon/cherokee nose.

- I'm going to find you and hang your skinned body from the swing set at the elementary school.

- You know what grinds my gears? When I ask for a coke and the waitress asks if pepsi is okay. What the fuck is wrong with you, you ***** Come back with a delicious coke or I'll rip out your weave and shove it down your throat. And bring some extra napkins. I eat messy.

- I've learned that laughing and crying at the same time is the only that that quiets the voices. So, I have to constantly find things that make me do that to keep me sane, like kicking puppies over long distances. Trolling the comments sections works as well.

- EBaums is affecting my life. I was talking to a guy I hadn't seen in a long time on the phone and, after having a hearty laugh about the old days, I almost said, "Now let's not go and suck each other's cock just yet."

- I beat Bejeweled 2. What have you fags ever done?

- Pull your pants up and speak English. You're making us look bad in front of Canada.

- I'd like to try auto-erotic asphyxiation but not in the "usual" way. I want to 69 a fat girl.

- I like to go to stores and, when old ladies are not looking, I stuff things in their purses in the hopes they'll get tazed.

- Everytime I eat a chinese girl, I want to do it again 30 minutes later.

- Karma Chameleon was a prediction about David Carrodine. He cum and go. He cum and go.

- If you say niggar 3 times in a mirror you'll bust out laughing and have a wonderful day.

- I wrote a song when I was high before and I looked at it the next day and busted out laughing. That shit didn't make any sense at all but, when I wrote it, I thought it was the most awesome thing I ever thought of.

- Someone told me I should try putting powder down my pants when I get swamp nuts in the summer but it just turns to paste. That's just what I need, to be dropping little silver dollar flapjacks everywhere I walk.

- For intFacelessFagsOnEbaums = 1 to 1000 step 1; Print #1, "Stupid Ass Comment"; Print #2, "Witty homo-erotic retort"; Print #2, "Another witty homo-erotic retort"; If blnFacelessFagsOnEbaumsIntelligence > 50 then; Call GetFace() else Call GetBent() end if next intFacelessFagsOnEbaums

- I told a goth kid in the lunch line before in high school "no cutsies" and she started crying.

- I just took a huge dump. I was happy, then sad. For there is now an emptiness inside me.

- Stranger: Knok knok You: Who there? Stranger: Disco You: Disco who? Stranger: Disco nnected Your conversational partner has disconnected.

- Stranger: hi bright You: bite the curb ***** Stranger: wow ass hole You: Wild abbra appears. Stranger: wtf is that You: ... then wild snorlax. You: ... then wild John Cusak. You: ... then John Cusak curb stomps you. Your conversational partner has disconnected.

- You: Chocolate milk would be awesome right about now. Stranger: mmm Stranger: i love chocolate milk. Stranger: with whipped cream? You: Light blonde with pouty lips. Stranger: nicee You: No whipped cream necessary. Stranger: i have pouty lips, too You: I want to beer bong the chocolate milk into your ass and have you squeeze it out onto my face. You: Too much? Stranger: hm Stranger: i'm down.

- I'd like to fuck you in the ass but I'm afraid of what it would do to our relationship.

- I don't think it's fair that, when you tease the head, I have to jerk my cock out of your mouth and then you get mad and don't finish sucking my cock.

- My wife hated spooning me because she always woke up with my dick in her butt.

- If I wanted a tender moment, I'd smack my bitch and then apologize like I always do.

- Canadians have nothing to be patriotic about... unless you burn a maple leaf. Then it's on bitch.

- Somebody left a can of aerosol on the floor and now we're surrounded by a bunch of fucking whippet sniffing Canadians.

- I got on here to stalk a girl I haven't seen in a long time and somehow I get stuck on eBaums for about an hour. WTF?

- Haha. What the fuck? Rolling on the floor laughing. Oh my god. Laugh out loud. Barbeque.

- Negative responses to my comments lower my self-esteem. Just thought I'd throw that out there.

- If I turned into a monster and bit a girlfriend's head off, I would be sooo like WTF?

- I called my wife up for a booty call and the bitch turned me down! How can she turn me down and be serious after all the times she's farted on my ballsack and told her "It's okay. I can still finish."?

- My wife shot me in the face with mine before. She laughed and laughed and then I backhanded her out of the bed. Then I laughed and laughed.

- To bobbagknoosh: You dumbass. I'm your doppleganger!

- You: ebaums? Stranger: ebaums world? You: yeah. Stranger: what about it? You: What's your handle on there? Stranger: oh gosh i dont remember i havent been on there in years You: The site has changed. You're missing out on some hot gay action. Stranger: really You: Are you a dude? Stranger: yes You: Seriously, you need to get back over there and check it out. It's like all these dudes that get together in the comments and trade contact info and then they gangbang each other. Stranger: im checking it out now! You: I'm talking painful anal thrashing. Multiple cocks in the face. Cum from head to toe. You: They will totally hook up with you and fuck your brains out. Stranger: sweet Stranger: thanks for the tip Stranger: im so lonely You: Why so lonely Nobody loves you? Stranger: exactly Stranger: =[ You: How old are you? Stranger: 19 You: You might have to lie to them. They like 'em young. Stranger: shouldnt be a problem You: You on here to cyber. Stranger: am i? Stranger: idk You: Are you? You: You should check out the comments over there on the first video featured. Stranger: which video Stranger: and yes i am You: Do that and come back to me. Stranger: ok Your conversational partner has disconnected.

- I don't know what that means but I'm getting hard just thinking about it.

- * Techno music. A man comes up to you from behind and drapes a glow stick around your neck then kisses your neck. You're his techno bitch now. *

- Shtick: When Earl gets home, Imma gonna' have a nice long talk with him about gettin' me drunk and passed out and playin' with my hiney. I don't like it one bit.

- Shtick: My farts sound like fish floppin' around in the mud. I just cain't figure out why a man would want to mess with my hiney. I told Earl the medicine I was takin' for my blood pressure caused nausia and anal leakage.

- Shtick: I don't need you, you sorry sumbitch! I got my Social Security check and my trailer and my box set of bonanza. You can kiss my ass. Better yet, you can kiss my foot since you like kissing my ass, you pervert.

- About the queef video: COME TO OHIO AND BLOW THAT IN MY FACE!

- Alisha, when we do doggy, would you queef for me after I pack you full of air? It would be so nice of you.

- Alisha, I would share my butterfinger with you let me put my finger in your butt.

- Alisha is mad at me. I can't do nothin' right! *punching my asshole*

- I would write my name on your hairy back with my tongue and then work my way down to your cankles.

- Baby, I would take you by the hand and make sweet, sweet love to you all night long as long as you let me take a little nap in between sessions.

- Chubby girls swallow.

- Fuck you all, Specially you JamesWebb.. Specially you...

- Some day we will meet and I will roll my cock in bacon grease and you will love me long time.

- I once gave new meaning to the words ring pop by violating my sisters friends while they slept over our house. Good times.

- About farting in jars: ... the fireflies hate it.

- When stupid people piss you off as much as they piss me off, you learn a lot of creative ways to express that frustration. Either that or you spend lots of time practicing your sharpshooting skills in preparation for the big day.

- Seriously, if you don't make up your mind to get over it, it will come up every time you have a bad day and everytime you want to feel sorry for yourself.

- I'm thinking about becoming one of those cliche douchbags like from the cheap comedy movies just to make life a little more interesting. I'm going to model myself after a combination of Shooter McGavin from Happy Gilmore and Farva from Supertroopers.

- I hate people who say it wrong. If you could care less, then fucking do it and shut up.

- When I ram my cock in your ass it's not because either of us are gay. It's not even because I don't like you. It's because I'm the boss around here.

- Don't forget to search for hours trying to find material to steal and post here.

- Hey, baby. I here you went to Polk High. Wanna' suck my cock?

- Ring ring. Ring ring. It's the governor of Poland. He wants the village idiot back.

- "Omar, use the word dysentery in a sentence." "See this big black cock? I'm about to put dis in Terry."

- Bill Murray dies in the best death scene of all time. You will laugh and you will cry.

- I'm pretty sure the flavors of kool aid are grape and red.

- I'm from PETA, Nasheville chapter and that cat, having seen many of his friends skinned and stewed in a tasty broth, clearly has dissociative disorder and clings the the bird as a symbolic way of holding onto innocense and life. Those asians should burn in hell for what they did to that poor little cat.

- I like to paint my ballsack with a red marker and run around this house shaking it and saying "Gobble. Gobble. Gobble."

- I know you will just shrug your shoulders and tell yourself that you weren't really trying to be funny but you are a total useless failure. We just want to be merry and have cake but you, sir, decide that you will spew your nonsense forth like gushing hotdog vomit upon our cake. Fuck you, sir. Fuck you.

- Clearly the truck driver was tired of his wife desparately stomping her imaginary brake everytime he got within 10 feet of somebody else and decided its about time death parted them.

- I'm fairly sure that mathewbb and ballstank have faxed each other photocopies of each other's gaping ass holes.

- Words are things and I will rape you with them.

- Your daddy left because your mother cheated with me and I wiped my dick on his pillow, leaving my dick print. Now me and your mom can express our love in front of you.

- We come here for laughs but we get you. That's like winning a chance to fuck Angelina Jolie but getting Jon Voights pink ballsack instead.

- Fact: The dumber the audience, the more the same lyrics need to be repeated... repeatedly.

- Grr. I'm angry and shit at the people in the computer. Grr. How do I stop them from flaming me without leaving? Grr. I'm going to keep making stupid comments to defend my honor against the internet strangers.

- I'm the lovable eccentric.

- I AM ENTERTAINING, FUCKKNUCKLE!

- Sometimes I do random thumbs up or down to confuse the people who fear rejection.

- Psst. Your balls are showing. Not you, the guy behind you.

- I have this great foreplay move where I lay on the bed and, while my lady friend is getting naked, I make my semi-hard penis twirl in circles and make come hither motions without using my hands. I call it the whirlybird and it really sets the mood.

- You = Lose; Your anus = Loose.

- I feel like I'm walking through a scary forest where all the trees are made out of pure clout.

- Who names their rottweiller sausage?

- I am officially the biggest idiot on this site and, appearantly, that is QUITE the accomplishment... so I'm told.

- I'm not sure I feel comfortable with you looking deeply into my eyes while masterbating.

- mormanator has the muscle tone of a dead squid.

- CJones is more annoying than an ingrown hair on the taint.

 

 

 

JamesWebb Uploaded 10/09/2009
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