Hello, and Welcome to my hell.

 Today is the first day of not smoking.   I decided to do it the old fashioned way - cold turkey.  And, let me tell you,  IT'S FUCKING GREAT!    I can't stop salavating, like I'm hungry for pickles or something,  I'm all jittery like on a sugar rush,  and every so often I find myself wandering around the apartment with a lighter in my hand.

 My boyfriend's birthday was yesterday.  We decided that it was going to be our last day of smoking.  This morning before he went to work, he was supposed to take what was left of our smokes and give them to somebody at work.  Instead he left them in the kitchen cabinet to taunt me.... and it's working.  I can hear them calling my name.  It's fucked.  It's like I have another personality that is also in control of my actions.  I've gone to that cabinet 3 times already this morning, only to stop myself.  It's torture... to be that close and have to force myself not to suck back the sweet ash and tar that has consumed me for years.

 I've been smoking weed all day.  Doesn't really take my mind off of it, but it does take the edge off a bit... just a bit.. and for maybe like a minute and a half at a time.  Then it's right back to heart palpatations, and chills.  I can't concentrate worth shit right now.  It's taken me a couple hours to get this far in the blog, it's that bad. 

 I've been drinking a bunch of water and trying flush my system out, so now I'm sitting here like a pregnant women; irritated and pissing every half hour.  Just wait till I start eating to try and subside the hunger feelings, that are actually just nicotine withdrawl. I'm bound to gain a few pounds this week...

 So yeah, I'm definitely looking forward to when this shit gets better in a few days or so.  I'll keep y'all posted.