MY relationship with lard_infamous Fart 3
I really didn't know what to make of the last few days. I've been scared for life, on life support, and possibly a witness to murder that no one suspects was actually a murder. All in one week, all because of a mysterious smell. I couldn't call the police and tell them what happened. They would lock me up in the loony bin until they could gather enough evidence to convict me of my neighbor's murder. That wouldn't be good.... who would take care of my kitties?
I needed to solve this on my own, and soon.. before I become an all out lunatic. What was this smell? Why do I miss it? Why did it dissappear when I .... closed... my.. LAPTOP!!!! That was it! My laptop was causing the smell!!! Why else would it dissappear as soon as I closed it? Now I just had to figure out why my laptop stunk... It didn't smell like plastic burning... it smelt like an all you can eat buffet. So I thought, "Is it overheating and burning little pieces of crumbs that may have fallen into the keyboard?"
So, I go to my laptop, and plug it in. Nothing... so it wasn't the battery charging that made the smell. I turned it on from the side... still nothing... I opened the monitor... and that's when it hit me. The smell flew from my laptop... I could almost see it. My eyes watered, and I wasn't able to breathe for a good 30 seconds. After I regained my composure, I felt the monitor... it wasn't the least bit warm. "wtf??! I know it's the computer... but what about it?". At this point the smell had filled my one bedroom apartment and my cats had long ago went to hide. I conducted a test.. simple, easy... I shut the monitor... it went away... I opened it.. it came back for revenge! I was as baffled as some 5 year old asking his mom what a tampon is for.
It didn't make sense... but I pondered it anyway. "Maybe it's not the computer it's self..? Maybe it's something on the computer or on the internet?" It was definitely worth looking into. So I checked my emails. I started with the junk mail. If anything's gonna fuck with me, it's going to be junk mail. But it wasn't. I looked on my inbox. The smell was starting to get a little stronger... I was on to something. When I got to my 'Ebaums PM Notification' email the smell was emense. I clicked on the link in the email to go to ebaums, and the smell got worse! Then I saw that wallboy had replied to one of my comments... so I go to check it out, and, you guessed it, the smell got even worse. I knew it had something to do with this fucker..
So, I did the unthinkable. I contacted wallboy. I asked him, "Hey, I know this is a little wierd and uncalled for, but why the fuck do you stink so bad?" he replied, "Stink is a euphamism of asshole! Anal Sex Baby YEAH!" , obviously that didn't explain anything.. I don't know why I expected to get anything out of him. So I did some snooping. I somehow was able to sit and read through every single one of wallboys blogs. The smell never differed from blog to blog. So I gave up on his page. Maybe it was another blog? So I go through the blogs, and what do I find? "My Encounter with Wallboy" ( http://www.ebaumsworld.com/user/blog//view=80763664/ ) I had to close my monitor almost all the way, and sit on the floor in front of my desk to read it, the smell was so bad. The author: lard_infamous. So... cautiously clicked on his avatar, 'view profile' and then suddenly my monitor slammed shut!
A voice from beside my computer desk whispered in a low heavy voice. "You don't want to do that".