A Bi-Curious Night
Last night I was at the bar. Just me and some friends, and the regular group of burn-outs and low-lifes that frequent the place. It was a pretty normal evening, that is, until my buddy Derek showed up. The most hilarious loser you would ever meet in your life, to put it bluntly. This idiot has more party stories than you can stomach... And most of them end with him taking home a wounded moose (which is along the same lines as swamp donkey). No surprise--tonight looked like it was heading in the same direction; as he walked in out of the cold, busy street with THE biggest dyke I have ever seen in my life, groping him like an overly frisky airport security guard.
Now I'm not against homosexuals whatsoever, but you must understand... I live in a small town in northern Canada. We don't have many openly gay people, and we certainly don't have any preppy-emo-yet sorta butch-lesbians. They're like albinos to us. You've all heard the word "random" tossed around, but picture if you will a twenty-something-year-old, plaid clad redneck, drunk as shit, with a strange, pale, preptastic lesbian hanging off his arm. As weird as it was, I didn't wanna be rude, so I sauntered over to say hi. The first words that came out of her mouth as she was shaking hands with me, and I fucking kid you not, were: "Do you know any bi-curious girls around here?"
Sorrywut? Bi-curious girls? In a frozen little hick town like this? Half these people don't even know what bi-curious means. So I'm gonna go ahead and say no to that one.
But that bitch was persistent.
After asking every girl in the bar if they wanted to munch some rug, she apparently gave up. Instead, she decided to work the dance floor like the sketchy city dyke she is. Her moves were so awkward and twitchy... Like those break dancers who look like they snort a line before going into robo-grind mode. The thing is, nobody could keep up, because none of our hillbilly asses know how to dance. (Unless it's the two-step). So she comes over to the table and says, "Jesus, does anyone in this town know how to dance?"
I had been drinking rye all night, and by that time was feeling a bit rowdy. So like any retard trying to defend his town's honor, I burst the awkward silence with the old "who the FUCK do you think you are?!" Oh yeah. I fucking went there.
So, my question to eBaum's World is... in your opinion, is it alright to beat up a lesbian? Like if she was sorta butch? Cause I have a court date next week.
I'm shitting cinder blocks.