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Emails From Idiots

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I do a lot of writing for a lot of different websites. Some of the users who've been here since the first days of the Blogging Section will probably remember how much I've written for just this website alone.

If this doesn't come across as epicly geeky, then this will:

Last year, I had written a guide on Gamefaqs on Save State Hexadecimal Cracking. Basically, I mapped out what you needed to do in order to make the game do a whole bunch of shit that wasn't otherwise available on a Cheat Device.

The guide is found here: http://www.gamefaqs.com/console/ps2/file/459841/56340

 

Even though this probably wouldn't interest those of you who have SOME semblance of sanity, if you look through the guide, you could probably get a fairly basic understanding on how everything involving save state hacking works. I thought I did a pretty good job, to be perfectly frank.

In fact, I'll go so far to say that I did a HELL of a job on this monster of a guide.

But then, I get an email like this:

 

"how do u get the file from the ps2 and on to the flash drive and vise versa"

 

.............

 

Let that sink in for a little bit.

Basically, this little turd decided that since I generously decided to provide my email address, he could just skip the entire fucking guide and I would just answer his stupid questions that I had already covered in MIND-NUMBING detail (MULTIPLE TIMES, mind you) throughout my guide.

I decided to have some fun with the poor bastard. Here's my email in response:

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It's a very long and delicate process involving 3 waffle irons, a bowling ball, and the rare Caribbean Spotted Octopus. You might want to get a good pair of work gloves for this. The thicker, the better. The Caribbean Spotted Octopus is highly poisonous and its barbs can pierce through sheet metal. If it gives you any major trouble though, you could always tie several long pieces of half-cooked spaghetti to a pencil and beat it mercilessly with your makeshift flail by rubbing your hands back and forth against the pencil until it shrieks in complete unadulterated terror because seriously.... how many guys out there could come up with the idea of slapping an octopus with spaghetti? The very idea of this is abhorrent to all of nature's creatures, so you know you have the advantage.

But I digress. Keep your pencil-spaghetti-whackymajigger at arm's length AT ALL TIMES. I can't stress this enough. You need to set the Caribbean Spotted Octopus in the center of a large room. Remove all of the furniture from said room, and while doing so, glare haughtily at the rare Caribbean Spotted Octopus (whom we will now refer to as "Carl" for referencing purposes). Carl will try to establish mental dominance throughout this process, so you need to work on your war face. You might want to send a video of your war face to any military recruiter for some pointers, in case Carl seems to be unfazed. Practice in the mirror if you have to.

It also helps to catch people off guard by showing them your war face at unpredictable times throughout the day, like during lunch, or while they're sleeping. You can further compound the effects of your war face by bellowing like a Spartan.

So anyways, after emptying the room completely of all of its furniture, putting on your padded work gloves, and psychologically damaging your Caribbean Spotted Octopus named "Carl", you will have to create an exact Fibonacci spiral out of Kosher Salt and shredded beef. Lay a delicious paiella into the corner of the room at least 47.32 meters away from Carl. Carl will then, compelled by the strong scents of a fantastically prepared paiella by a culinary mastermind like yourself, amble his way around the Fibonacci Salt-N-Beef Spiral (I totally made that name up on the spot) and begin to devour his delicious meal, as he must have been starving due to the psychological torment he had been put through.This could take up to 7 1/2 hours, as the Caribbean Spotted Octopus is not very adept at moving around on land. You may want to spend the extra time by tossing your bowling ball into the air and smashing them in Carl's general direction with the waffle iron (a sport otherwise known as "Squibbling"). This is also why you will more than likely need several waffle iron's as you'll probably be breaking a number of them.

I do recommend George Foreman waffle irons for this particular sport.

After you're done Squibbling, you could then spend your extra time by running out and finding a retailer that sells an Action Replay Max, or some other cheat device that contains a media manager.

Or, if you would rather get a serious answer, you could actually read the fucking guide instead of pretending like I didn't answer your question about thirty times over within the very first section of my guide aptly titled: "READ THIS FIRST".

 

Your choice.

~ Matt

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I have yet to get a response. Maybe he's busy finding Carl........

maiorano84 Uploaded 03/19/2010
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