Don't take me to seriously, if you are the type to get offended and not understand the idea of comic exageration then leave because I don't want to hear it.
hard work pays off:
In fact it doesn't, really. You have to live awhile to realize this but I can't stress it enough, squeeze what joy you can out of life because you aren't going to do well, you aren't going to suceed and life isn't going to hand you anything worthwhile unless you're very very VERY lucky. Luck is all it is, and it's against you. Work as hard as you like, it'll never amount to shit. Ever. kissing ass and being lucky are the only tools you have.
Being a good person will bring good things.make people like you:
No in fact being a ruthless prick will bring good things, being kind at all will make you the world's doormat. Whether or not people like you has little to do with how nice youa re to them, it's usually something arbitrary you can't control, based mostly on something within them combvined with how much you are around them
Your parents loved each other:
They don't want to tell you this because it's sad, but your parents were probably infatuated at best and you were almost certainly an accident. Unless your parents are one in a million, they probably haven't a fucking clue what love actually is. At best they feel obligated to each other. this brings us to another one.
Your parents love you:
they feel obligated toward you and they might tell you this is love, but if the pressure was hard enough they'd sell your ass out. they can't help it, people are inherently selfish. If they would even pick you over them it's because of some disalusioned fulfillment model, not because they care.
You enriched your parents lives by being born:
Maybe if they were wealthy and really wanted a child for some odd reason, but as I said above you were probably an accident. We all were. the financial burden of raising you probably ruined thier lives and made them miserable and hateful, as you can no doubt see. Your parents used to be happy like you before you were born. if they are divorced it's probably because of you. Money and kids are the two big things couples fight about and your life hits both issues.
your standard of living will never decline:
They probably realize that the shit would hit the fan in terms of resoruces and the economy by the time you're thier age, but they don't care they'll be dead.
They did everything for you/never gave up on you:
Your parents are as flawed as you are and as often as you want to give up on school and/or work is as often as they wanted to give up on you. they probably neglected what was good for you for thier own selfish needs more often then you think. if you're a particularly irriatting burden because you do drugs, fuck alot, or can't work then they probably thought about poisoning you often enough.
They never thought about suicide/hurt themselves/choked themselves while masturbating when they were little:
Your parents don't want to admit to being as fucked up as you are but they were. Everyone feels like offing themself when they are in thier adolescence and your parents weren't special. Everyone experiments with freaky sex and drugs and other such nonsense when they are young and your parents did it too. They won't tell you, but they're full of shit.