So I'm in Salem, Oregon this weekend for a friend's wedding. That's right, I'm surrounded by 'Gon-Heads. 'Gon-Head is a name a buddy and I came up with in high school for people with Oregon license plates. I still use it today.

I live about 45 minutes north of Seattle. (In western Washington we don't measure neighborhoods in miles, we measure them in minutes) The drive down here took 5 hours. 

Usually, the only way I spend five hours sitting on my ass is if I happen to pass out with a two-thirds empty 211 Steel Reserve in my hand. I generally wake up around 4am, urgently needing to empty my bladder, and some extended commercial for a TIME/LIFE collection of the 100 best Hip-Hop love songs playing on the TV. 

Shit, wasn't I watching some show about WWII before I fell asleep? Fuck! I wanted to see the end to find out who won...

Salem is pretty much like Seattle. They have the same liberal hippie shit as we do up in Washington only here it's a little different. They don't have a sales tax, they just rape you with a state income tax. I think they also charge and refund deposits on bottles and cans.

Also, you can't pump your own gas in Oregon. That's one right you absolutely DON'T have. They have old school filling station attendants who are trained to do it fo you. I guess they don't think 'Gon-Heads are smart enough to pump gas without blowing themselves up or something.

Plus, do you know what they call a Quarter Pounder wih cheese in Oregon? Well... they call it a Quarter Pounder with cheese but they say it like 'Gon-Heads... fucking dirty 'Gon-Heads...