As the waters off Louisiana become more saturated with oil runoff than a body builder's taint, officials at BP said today that there were no plumes of underwater oil, even though it has been shown to be true.

If BP is not out-and-out lying, like they were when they gave minimized estimates on the amount of crude leaking each day, and on the (in)effedtiveness of the Top Hat or Top Kill or Stop Gap or Fap Clap or whatever, then they are more in denail than the Black Night in Monty Python's "Quest for the Holy Grail." When he had his arm cut off he first denied it, then downplayed it, saying it was just a flesh wound.

Perhaps the whole thing can be chalked up to British humor, which is either stupidly fucking idiotic like that unfunny faggoty Mr.Bean, or more dry than Rue McClanahan's cunny-hole. The whole thing SEEMS as surreal as a Monty Python sketch, doesn't it? Think of BP as Eric Idol and the media as John Cleese....

Media: What have you to say about the underwater plumes of oil?

BP: What plumes of oil?

Media: Those plumes.

BP: Those arent plumes.

Media: If they are not plumes what ARE they?

BP: Smelt.

Media: Come again?

BP: It's a school of smelt.

Media: (Incredulous) You're telling me that this murky, foul, stinking, oily, underwater cloud is a school of SMELT?

BP: They're quite scared, what with the explosion and all... perhaps they soiled themselves.

Media: It's OIL, you nit!!!

BP: Yeah... fish oil. Rather good for you from what I hear. Omega 3's and whatnot...

Unfortunately, the whole thing is not a sketch. Things are majorly fucked up in the gulf and, with the country experiencing the worst economy since The Great Depression, untold BILLIONS of dollars worth of damage is being done to industry and the environment. Pretty soon the fish will be gone and we will all be living on a dite of Spam....

Ohhhhh....Spam, spam, spam, spam...