My integrity is failing
Why is it that faithful service and kindness can be so quickly dissolved and forgotten, even after years, by offense? I think there is something profoundly maddening about this. Perhaps it is so for me because I understand where people are coming from and am very hard to offend. even if I take offense I am quick to forgive. Not so for most people aparently. They hold on to offense forever. Even if it is not personal offense. Maybe you just said something unpleasant. But you stated only facts. People are too caught up with the idea that they have some right to not be offended. No one has such a right. Your feelings are not to be protected, and they are certainly not more vaid then truth. there is no decency in the world when one has to carefully contain thier thoughts, lest they might make someone upset. how childish.
I think there begins to be a crack in my integrity. The lesson this culture teaches is that to be honest is to bring hatred down upon you. Only decievers, who withold the truth and spew lies in soft and delicate wrapping are rewarded with acclaim and acceptance. There is something so horrid about the truth aparently. I always knew there was a terrible love of deception in this culture, but I never imagined how deep it ran. One truly cannot function within the truth. We all make up fanciful tales about heroes of virtue and forgiveness but there is not an ounce of forgiveness in one of you. Not one ounce. To be entirely forgiving is to be the world's doormat. I understand this. Once you start forgiving people they only learn to push alittle farther, they can't help it. If victimizing someone makes them feel good then they do it, even if they are otherwise a good person. Some people are just born to be victims. I am such a person. I bring out the worst in everyone. The real road to forgivenbess must include repentance. I have been far too forgiving. I am drawing a line now for all the hypocrites out there. Follow your saviors and do as they would. Be truly remorseful for the pain you have inflicted. Then I can be forgiving. I can't forgive you until you learn something about what you have done. This is not a revolving door. Do you know how decent I was? You are creating a lot of bitterness. the monsters you all complain about, you have made them yourselves. When they come to get you, try to remember this. You created these monsters by wiping your ass with good people until they couldn't stand it anymore. They carried around your pain and suffering and they let you use them, they became your source of relief. They suffered so you could feel good. All the pain you filled them with, you have earned it in return. Remember this. Every ounce of resentment I feel was carved into me one little piece at a time.