Reasons I'm Voting Republican This November
1.) I believe that war is the answer to everything.
2.) I believe we should give up our freedom of speech by passing laws like "The PATRIOT Act." Every real American should be willing to have their phones tapped as part of their patriotic duty to their "Fatherland."
3.) I believe we should stay in Iraq and Afhganistan until every Muslim accepts our way of life, even if it takes 100 years and no vital US interests are at stake.
4.) I don't believe in due process. After all, that pesky Constitution was written over 200 years ago. They had no idea about how to fight a War On Terror.
5.) The Republicans will stop those gay people from making our children gay.
6.) I believe that Republicans, like Democrats, will do a better job of spending my money than I ever could. Go ahead and run up the national debt another four trillion dollars.
7.) I believe in unilaterally invading any country we feel like invading.
8.) I believe that people who can't balance a budget should be bailing out banks, businesses, and speculators on the backs of our children.
9.) I believe it's best for three or four religious zealots, whose beliefs I don't even agree with, to rewrite the Constitution. After all, it is over 200 years old and outdated.
10.) I believe Americans should not have the civil liberties guaranteed to them by the outdated Constitution.
11.) My faith requires me to force others to follow my faith. We can't just leave people alone and let them happy as long as they aren't hurting anybody - that's heresy!
So tomlet, does this make me racist against white people? You see, it is possible to criticize both parties, sometimes on almost the exact same grounds. That's why I'm neither a Democrat nor a Republican.