The Church of Gore
The following program is produced and sponsored by you, the partners of the church of climate change, and is only made possible through your generous support.
Hello, y'all Roxanna here, welcoming y'all back to this blessed sphere, the church of climate change. Now I know there has been some very disturbing news lately, that may have shaken the faith of the most ardent believers, but brothers and sisters we need to stand firm and continue this fight against that hate Devil. Praise Gore!
Now I just want to take a moment here to turn your attention to the long cause we have championed here at the Church of Climate Change, we have worked tirelessly to eradicate the many evils of CO2. And I know many of you out there have done your part as well. Why haven't you? Ya'll been workin' hard to reduce your little carbon footprint, recycling more and trying to breath less. Did you know the worse offender is the volcano?
The volcano, I'm not making this stuff up folks! I swear in the name of Gore it is true, and it's about time we put an end to it. We cannot allow these volcanoes to hide behind the shield of natural phenomenon. We must destroy these pockets of green house gasses, these evil earth pimples, constantly spewing their satanic spit, must be eradicated. Praise to Gore!
Believers we must all band together and destroy this topographical blat, and yes it will make your personal life bitter, if all your flats aren't grounded due to atmospheric ash and what not. But good glacier you just think for a moment what those evil humps are doing to the poor polar bear.
Gore knows with each evil belch of those monstrous dunghills, that dear defenseless animal looses a little piece of his home! I know! I just have some very exciting news I want to share with ya'll.
Before we go on, now I know many of you have been following the church of climate change's, alternative energies fund raiser drive. And it is alive and well let me tell you. And did you know we have developed a new solar panel, made entirely of princess cut diamonds. They really capture those solar rays. And let me tell you the best part, our solar panels are cheaper and more efficient than conventional solar panels! Can you believe that?
And I got some good news for you today. If you commit to installing our solar panel, over your entire house, you will not be charged for the installation charge. That is right! Absolutely free of charge to you. Now I know ya'll sitting at home sayin' Gore bless you Roxanne! How can you afford to give us a service like that? Well, I'm goin' to tell you how.
The Church of Gore has partnered with the IPCC and the American government which is pretty much the same thing. And were having our entire diamond panels installed by incarcerated Hip-Hop stars. And can I tell you something? The are more than happy to do it, cause no one loves playing with the bling like those Hip-Hop people. I mean they just go bananas.
Do you know something? They call diamonds ice. Now ain't that cute, ice. Now I know we wish that is something we wish the earth had more of, don't we?
You know our recent diamond drive was not as successful as we had hoped. Many of the celebrities we solicited, declined to participate, because of that Blood Diamond movie. You know, let me tell you something brothers and sisters, you can get people to believe any old bunch of hooey you want, as long as you make it into an award winning film. Now that's the honest to Gore truth. I have seen it many times.
And I'm asking you all today to dig deep down into your hearts, and even deeper into your bank accounts, to see what you can do to contribute to the high cost of alternative inefficient energy sources. Gore bless you!
Gore bless you for all the monetary support and blind faith you have shown in fighting this two degree scourge. And I hope you continue to tune in, to the Church of Climate Change, as we fight this global warming!
We're gonna win, we're gonna beat it, you better believe it. And I hope ya'll tune in tomorrow, because I'm gonna show ya'll how to conduct scientific research with nothing but a hockey stick.
You don't wanna miss this this is gonna be good! But before we say goodbye today, I just want us all and all you out there today and all of us in here today, all band together and observe a moment of anti-respiration, in recognition that it our very existence that is killing mother Earth.
And you just think if humans weren't here going about their business, breathing and all that, none of this would be a problem. And remember to that, I would like for us to join forces and not breathe till the end of our program.
OK! Gore bless you all, and I'll see you next time