An Open Letter To The Jurors At Rod Blagojevich's Retrial
Have you been deleberating for what seems like months? Are you tired of Juror Number 12 standing on their high horse completely impervious to the most basic of logic? Have you lost your patiances and your sanity? Have you lost all hope in mankind because of one person's lack of coherence? Well, take that gun out of your mouth, because I have created the ultimate juror ultimatum template to make them see the errors in their ways by focusing on what they care about most; themselves. Just replace the imformation that is relevent to your case.
It's time to address the two ton elephant in the room. Juror Number 12, the other 10 and I are growing weary of your complete lack of specificity on why you think Rod Blagojevich is a model citizen. Moreover, we grow especially weary of your growling like a dog being pet while eating whenever the other 10 and I give you blatant evidence to the contrary. Forgive me if this isn't true, but the other 10 and I are begining to suspect that you are getting some sort of compensation for your troubles (and believe me it is trouble) in making sure Rod Blagojevich goes home a free man.
Far be it from me to meddle in your finacial affairs. I understand that times are tough, and you could probably use every cent they may have offered you. But I am not going to go on about how stupid it is to take a bribe, and potentially get arrested on behalf of someone that was soliciting bribes, nor am I accusing you of having no morals for taking tainted money. What I can do for everyone inside this room is take your potential payday out of the equation.
If we leave here today with a hung jury on all the counts against Rod Blagojevich, I will make public this very simple letter:
Reguarding all counts against Rod Blagojevich
Juror #1: Daniel Okonski - Guilty
Juror #2: Greg Justice - Guilty
Juror #3: Amy Courthouse - Guilty
Juror #4: Michelle O'bvious - Guilty
Juror #5: James Hedunit - Guilty
Juror #6: Patrick Notfulinmie - Guilty
Juror #7: David Weavebenhaad - Guilty
Juror #8: Margret Comonreally - Guilty
Juror #9: Andrew Rediculous - Guilty
Juror #10: Amanda Putinjail - Guilty
Juror #11: Samatha Thisisgettingoutofhand - Guilty
Juror #12: Susie Holdout - Innocent, without an explanation why
So, Juror Number 12, by all means vote the way that you feel you must. No one here is stopping your right. Understand, however, that if we leave here today with a hung jury, you do not get the luxuary of anonymity. Go ahead and take what money was promised you for voting not guilty on everything, but trust me when I say that whatever ammount they have given you is not worth it. Whatever ammount they have given you will not cover the cost of all the slashed tires, broken windows, and round the clock security that you will have to provide yourself for pissing off the most disillusioned electorate in Illinois' history by voting not guilty.
If by some chance the other 10 and I are completely wrong, and you have not been offered any sort of compensation, but instead are choosing to vote not guilty because of some moral belief that the other 10 and I don't share, be aware of this scenerio. Not only will you have to provide your own security to yourself without any money from Bloagojevich and friends to offset the cost, but you will be putting 11 innocent people in jeopordy. Your problems will seems quaint compared to the problems that the other 10 and I will be facing. As you have no doubt seen from the trial, Rod Blagojevich and his cronies are a much more dedicated, and much more ruthless group than you will ever face with a pissed off electorate.
So go ahead and vote not guilty on a moral basis. But can you really vote not guilty on a moral ground knowing that you could potenially put 11 other people's lives at risk? As I've said before, no one here can take away your right to vote how you want, nor can you take away my right to publish everyone's names.