Niggas, Nails, and Knives
Fucking six-fucking-thirty-AM and I can't sleep. WTF? I normally drink myself into a blissful, have-to-pee-but-too-lazy-to-get-up-and-do-it sleep every night but tonight the booze isn't working and the sun's coming up and I can't fucking sleep.
I have all this stupid shit going through my head (aside from the usual, "Who-would-I-kill-if-given-a-free-pass? shit that normally swims in the fetid piss-pond that is my brain) like:
*There was an ad on TV saying you can join a class action lawsuit if, "...you or someone you know has suffered a heart attack or sudden death," after taking a diabetes medication. REALLY? If I suffered sudden death I can sue the drug company?
*Among the tools on a survival knife I bought are a phillips head screwdriver and bottle opener. I guess if I'm ever stranded in the wilderness with the knife I can open any wild bottles of soda or open any wildlife battery compartments I find. Useful shit!
*Why are the original theatrical trailers for movies considered "BONUS FEATURES" on DVD's I rent? Why the fuck do I want to watch a trailer for a movie I just watched? That's like sitting through an hour-long sales pitch for a time share AFTER I just bought the time share.
*I'm thankful for facebook because without it I would never know that my aunt was thinking of having chicken for dinner or that my co-worker was "...hella bored."
* I think I'm allergic to olives 'cuz every time I stay up late drinking martinis I wake up with an upset stomache.
*Wizard of Oz spoiler alert: It was a dream!!!
Fuck. That's the kind of stupid shit that goes through my brain. I am ugdork and I'm an alcoholic. I want to sleep but I can't
They say the most hurtful word in the english language is 'NIGGER' but I think it's 'UNICORN.' UNICORN written on a rusty nail and inserted into the head of your penis. THAT'S the most hurtful word. G'night now. (or good morning?)