Shits I Take
Jesus Christ almighty, who doesn't love a good fuckin' shit? Huh? You're lying if you say you hate it, and there is nothing like the fear you inflict after you're finished with it, too. People know. Oh yes, they know it was you, and you should be fucking proud. I inivte you to play a game with me. It's called, "Enjoy My Shit." What you do is go to a publci restroom and take a nice, filthy dump. Or a friend's house, fuck I'm not your mom. Don't clog the toliet, but make sure you leave the shit there if it's a good one. Taht way, people will be forced to stare at your glory before they flush. Also, you can document the shit and forward texts to your friends by taking pictures with your cellphone. I've done this for years, and it always makes my buddies lurch forward with a healthy gag. Make sure when you wipe to stick the toliet paper shit side down first on the udnerside of the rim as to not block the glory of your shit, but to also loose it's grip when someone does flush and the water cascades under the rim of the bowl and into the pool. Anyway, if you have the unfortunate experience of not noticing that the toliet you're defiling is an auto flusher, as you hear the dreaded noise of the final flush, face your shit, and salute it like a soldier. It deserves to go down with pride, and feel free to hum taps as it circles and enters oblivion. Next time you see a big log chillin' in a toliet with no descernable clogs or malfunctions, maybe. Just maybe it was mine, or some other proud warrior playing Enjoy My Shit.