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Things I've never bought but have plenty of

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     If there's anybody out there who finds day-to-day living expenses and steadily increasing price tags as disheartening as I do, then they certainly must be on short supply of heart.  I know I am. By the time I get through the check out line at my local retail giant supercenter, after having just forked over an arm and a leg for a sweatshirt and a new pair of jeans, there's really no need for a man missing that many limbs to even have a sweatshirt, or a pair of jeans. But despite the inflation, corporate greed, and shortage of supply that's making my wallet lonely, and my cupboard dry; there are still a few things  that - in every way besides armed robbery -  have made their way onto my list of belongings.

 

 

 T-shirts-     There's enough cotton in my closet to... Well, let's just say there's a lot of cotton in there. As a younger brother, I'm no stranger to hand-me-downs. I own everything my older brother wishes he didn't give away, and at some point in his life, was apparently quite generous.  Not to mention, a style savvy shopper. I've got more t-shirts than any handful of villages in Africa has malaria, paid not a penny for a single one of them, and no, I'm not donating anything to charity. Not to mention, all of the Christmas gifts, and un-returned borrowings from old friends.( "T-shirts"? More like A-Z shirts.)

 

 

 Lighters-     Do they actually sell these things? I'm fairly certain the only reason I started smoking was because I needed to put all of my spare lighters to work. Seriously... My junk drawer must produce these things like a junk drawer lighter workshop. (Great analogy! I know.) What all started from a couple swipes from under my parent's sink, to a few accidental pocketings from friends, neighbor's and co-workers, has turned into enough spark to make Smoky the Bear cringe. Hey, what are friends, neighbors, and co-workers for? The answer is lighters! Also, I suspect my drunken self - although my sober self has still found no way of commmunicating to my drunken self - is a complete clepto-maniac, lighter nabbing machine at parties and get-togethers. I don't black out often, but when I do, I can count on waking up on with a lifetime supply of other people's missing lighters.

 

 

Internet Service-     Again. What are neighbors good for? I live in an apartment complex, and I've never met my obnoxious next door neighbors, but I think they're elephants, and I know that one of their name's is "Abbey net 1" . After banging pots and pans,  raindancing, and flipping their mattresses at all hours of the night, the least they can do is direct their unsecured wireless internet signal in my direction. That they do, and if it saves me sixty bucks a month, and or, a trip to Starbucks free Wi-Fi zone, than I'm happy.

 

 

      Whether you aquire things through a natural pattern of posession cycling - the way nature intended - or you pay for all of your stuff like a sucker, your input and additions are a few other things I will have plenty of, yet most definitely will never pay for. So please to feel free to contribute your feedback.

 

                                                                                                                   Your's Truly,

                                                                                                                    Stuey Ooey

StueyOoey Uploaded 11/06/2010
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