FatFuck

OBJECTIVE: I am seeking a  position as an internet security guard

SUMMARY OF QUALIFICATIONS

- 2 months experience with graphic design

- Internet

- Certified underwater basket weaver

- Never leaves my house

- I pooped my pants

RELEVANT EXPERIENCE

Graphic Design

- Experience with Microsoft Paint

- Drawing with crayons

- When someone puts a ball under a cup and moves 3 cups I can usually find the ball

- Ability to match socks

- I can lick my own calves

- poop

WORK HISTORY

2001-Present            Stamp Licker           Post Office

2005                            Bike                           I can ride a bike

0001-Present            Jesus

EDUCATION

University of Somewhere, Some town, Some state

Degree Received