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The True Meaning Of Thanksgiving Revealed A Month Ago

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Happy Thanksgiving Americans!

 

I know I'm a few days off in my message, but to be fair, your Turkey Day was a little late, too.

 

One month and ten days, to be exact.

 

I know not all countries can be as super-awesome, syrupy great as those you so delightfully refer to as "your hat". I'd just like to point out that Thanksgiving...THE REAL Thanksgiving...has come and gone.

 

But what does the real Canadian Thanksgiving celebrate you might ask? (Some of you may be asking what the hell "a Canada" is, but I suspect those that do are probably busy working a deep fryer right now and will have to read this a little later.)

 

Canada's Thanksgiving is a celebration of the delightful little scamp of an explorer by the name of Martin Frobisher, who was all up his own French-Canadian ass about finding a passageway to the Pacific Ocean.  Many confuse the day as a celebration of harvest, but history will show you it's really about the successful return home of Frobisher in his search. The reason the return was so celebrated is mostly due to the fact that every hoser who set out to find it before him failed to find the passage alive. Coincidently, it also celebrates an end to that dreadful Lower Canada Rebellion way back in 1837. (I think the rebellion started when one guy stole another guy's Leafs toque during some fancy-pants curling tournament or something.)

 


Sure, we don't have a Black Friday shopping buggery to look foward to every year, but we do Thanksgiving in style...and during a time when its still warm enough out to knock down a game of touch football or two. (Canadian rules: fewer downs and a bigger field 'cause that's how badass we are.) I do have to give you credit on your parade, though. I watched it here while writing reports at work, and it was pretty awesome. Canadian parades mostly consist of people dressed as hockey players, Tim Hortons cups stacked on meter sticks carried by school children and a giant inflate of Superman. (Yup...we gave you guys that, too.) Sure, we may throw in a Mike Myers or Michael J. Fox here and there, but its usually pretty lame.

 

Regardless, I hope you all enjoyed your false day of poultry slaughter and are making the most of your time off from work and/or school. Maybe come New Year's you guys will smarten up and celebrate it the Canadian way....on January 7th.

 

Fuck Stamos.

 

-The Big Bad

the_big_bad Uploaded 11/26/2010
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