Tyaeda
Published
11/29/2010
Pretty much everybody has a Facebook account. But more and more people
make fools out of themselves, by caring WAY too much about it. As a seasoned attention whore observer and a total bad ass, I know all the rules and share
them with you, common folk.
1. Facebook Use
Here are some examples of normal everyday facebooking:
* Checking to see what your real life friends are up to - It's not always possible to keep in touch with people, facebook makes that easier.
* Creating online photo albums - this way the people who haven't seen you in a while, or missed out on that party last weekend, can see how much fun you had.
* Playing games - Sometimes we get bored at break time at work...
Now here's what you do if you'd like to be a really fake attention whore:
Background: Go somewhere and bribe the owner of the facility, with promise of oral sex, to have him close down the whole place just so your pimp can take a classy-looking picture of you there. If he's married to some fat bitch, or wants money, just wait for the next family Wedding like Neko did. This will make people think that you have the money to hang out at nice places, even though you don't. It's the internet after all... no one will find out.
Hair: Better make a hairdresser appointment right before going to the restaurant in which you want to take your profile photo. Your hair must be perfect, since your personality definitely isn't. After your appointment with the miracle worker of a cosmetologist, book one for another miracle worker - a psychologist. He might just be able to find that speck of real personality you have left, and help you discover more realistic goals for yourself to do WHEN your looks decline.
Dress: Something fashionable but still casual. Best colors would be black (makes you look slimmer) or gray (makes you look very elegant); Make sure it looks like it probably cost (not costed) you a fortune (makes you look like you can afford fancy things even whenf you can;t). Wearing pantie-hoes and a over sized shirt as a dress will do... i think Ke$ha does it... and you should do whatever she does because she's a celebrity.
Make up: Make sure you used toned down make-up. By toned down I mean, look up youtube videos on how to wear a lot of make up without looking like you do. This will fool guys into thinking that you look like that when you wake up each morning, and then maybe he would still want to be with you after you make him breakfast. It's not likely... but planning ahead has never hurt.
Drink: Always hold a drink on your profile photo. Make a "cheers" kind of pose. People will think you're an easy party girl, who might just be one of those girls who likes to make out with other girls at parties.... which men very much like.
Smile: And the world will smile with you.... hell if you tell them how much money you spent on fake teeth, because the ones you had were horrible, they may even laugh.
2. Interests
Make sure there's a lot. Doesn't matter if they're actually your interests.. because spending hours in front of a mirror doesn't always make for good conversations. The best thing to do is go to Justin Beiber's official website and look up his turn-ons. The only guys you would seriously consider marrying would be just like Justin Beiber, so by choosing his turn ons as your hobbies and interests will draw in Justin Beiber twins... and maybe even Beiber himself. If that fails... just copy and paste random Ke$ha quotes. "I like to send dirty pictures with my phone", for example.
3. Friends list
Make sure your friends list has at least 1000 people you've slept with in it. The more girls the better. Make sure you ask them to talk about it by posting on your wall. That way people can credit you with having at least some useful skills. Don't add your mom, or friends of your mom though (even if you slept with them), because she might find out what you're up to on the net, and cut off your dental plan, and you'll have to use cum as denture paste (ask Neko).
Now, if you applied these rules, your successful attention whore FB profile should look similar to this:
This should help you enough to at least look like a Facebook slut. You're welcome.
_________
Tyaeda.... someone who doesn't have to talk herself up, or be fake, to be appreciated.
1. Facebook Use
Here are some examples of normal everyday facebooking:
* Checking to see what your real life friends are up to - It's not always possible to keep in touch with people, facebook makes that easier.
* Creating online photo albums - this way the people who haven't seen you in a while, or missed out on that party last weekend, can see how much fun you had.
* Playing games - Sometimes we get bored at break time at work...
Now here's what you do if you'd like to be a really fake attention whore:
Background: Go somewhere and bribe the owner of the facility, with promise of oral sex, to have him close down the whole place just so your pimp can take a classy-looking picture of you there. If he's married to some fat bitch, or wants money, just wait for the next family Wedding like Neko did. This will make people think that you have the money to hang out at nice places, even though you don't. It's the internet after all... no one will find out.
Hair: Better make a hairdresser appointment right before going to the restaurant in which you want to take your profile photo. Your hair must be perfect, since your personality definitely isn't. After your appointment with the miracle worker of a cosmetologist, book one for another miracle worker - a psychologist. He might just be able to find that speck of real personality you have left, and help you discover more realistic goals for yourself to do WHEN your looks decline.
Dress: Something fashionable but still casual. Best colors would be black (makes you look slimmer) or gray (makes you look very elegant); Make sure it looks like it probably cost (not costed) you a fortune (makes you look like you can afford fancy things even whenf you can;t). Wearing pantie-hoes and a over sized shirt as a dress will do... i think Ke$ha does it... and you should do whatever she does because she's a celebrity.
Make up: Make sure you used toned down make-up. By toned down I mean, look up youtube videos on how to wear a lot of make up without looking like you do. This will fool guys into thinking that you look like that when you wake up each morning, and then maybe he would still want to be with you after you make him breakfast. It's not likely... but planning ahead has never hurt.
Drink: Always hold a drink on your profile photo. Make a "cheers" kind of pose. People will think you're an easy party girl, who might just be one of those girls who likes to make out with other girls at parties.... which men very much like.
Smile: And the world will smile with you.... hell if you tell them how much money you spent on fake teeth, because the ones you had were horrible, they may even laugh.
2. Interests
Make sure there's a lot. Doesn't matter if they're actually your interests.. because spending hours in front of a mirror doesn't always make for good conversations. The best thing to do is go to Justin Beiber's official website and look up his turn-ons. The only guys you would seriously consider marrying would be just like Justin Beiber, so by choosing his turn ons as your hobbies and interests will draw in Justin Beiber twins... and maybe even Beiber himself. If that fails... just copy and paste random Ke$ha quotes. "I like to send dirty pictures with my phone", for example.
3. Friends list
Make sure your friends list has at least 1000 people you've slept with in it. The more girls the better. Make sure you ask them to talk about it by posting on your wall. That way people can credit you with having at least some useful skills. Don't add your mom, or friends of your mom though (even if you slept with them), because she might find out what you're up to on the net, and cut off your dental plan, and you'll have to use cum as denture paste (ask Neko).
Now, if you applied these rules, your successful attention whore FB profile should look similar to this:
This should help you enough to at least look like a Facebook slut. You're welcome.
_________
Tyaeda.... someone who doesn't have to talk herself up, or be fake, to be appreciated.
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