A few years back a man I had working for me tried to explain how things in his neighborhood worked. He lived in the worse crime infested housing development in the city. He explained how snitching was the worse thing you can do. If you do it everyone will hate you and beat on you, break into your home and beat your family members.

He told me this one story of how a local black gang member was terrified of dogs. They tended to impede his B and E statistics so he came up with an ingenious plan, well ingenious for a crack head I guess? He bought a shit load of hamburger spiked it with poison and threw pieces over the fences. He killed fifty dogs in the area doing this. He tried it on my helper's dog, but his dog didn't take the bait.

I asked him, can you call the police for that, to have his ass charged. "No, can't squeal." he said. Apparently the rules of dumbassery applies even in this case. The only way to punish this asshole was to kick his ass on your own, but he belonged to the local gang and no one dared mess with him for fear of getting their home ransacked with a side of whoop ass.

My helper told me that no one carries cash with them for fear of getting robbed. The local gangs know this so they wait till after you go into the store, then rob you of whatever you buy to increase their take. The crime is random, usually happens at night and the members wait for an unsuspecting mark.

Recently I had the pleasure of being marked for a robbery in that neighborhood. I was just driving through got thirsty for a vitamin water. I parked my car across the street in the parking lot provided. I opened my door and seven young black men came out of the bushes and stared me down. I was quite scared, but I pretended not to be and behaved as though they were not there. I just walked passed them and entered the store.

From the store I could see them trying to open my doors, nothing violent or damaging, just snooping. Four of the men sat on the front and back of the car the other just leaned on it while watching me in the store.

I called the police, explained the situation and they asked me for the address. I was in a store and couldn't see any addresses outside on the adjacent buildings so I gave the name of the strip mall I was in, to her. That was not enough she required an address. The clerk was serving customers so I told the officer I would call back.

After the local yokels buy their butts, Redbull and lottery tickets, I ask the clerk for the proper address but he just stares at me like I had neon eyeballs. Not a fuckin' clue. I asked him do you have any mail with the address on it, a packing slip, anything? I guess my hair caught fire or something because the clerk freaks out and tells me it is none of my business.

I tell him to look outside and explain the situation. He gets even angrier and says, "this is your problem I want nothing to do with it."  I walked to the back of the store, see an old packing strip and phone the police.

I tell the officer the address, this time it is a male officer and he asks me if they have committed a crime yet. I said, "does intimidation and waiting to rob me count as a crime?" he said, "how can you prove that? We can't send an officer out there unless a crime has been committed or there is one in progress." Frustrated I ask him, "so I should call you back after I get my ass handed to me?" The helpful officer explained that he can't send someone because I might be beaten and robbed. Frustrated I hung up.

Standing behind me were four shaved tattoo cladded punks. One of them was really angry at me. I asked his friend, "is there a problem?" " My bro don't like snitches." He snorted. "In fact you best be gettin' your ass out of here homo." he so eloquently suggested. Not wanting to elevate an already fucked up situation, I walked away and looked for a rear exit door. In the back ground I could hear the punk chortling something about "that's right mofo, you best be gettin' out of my face or I'm goin' to beat you like the snitch you are". White people talking like blacks, really annoys me, but I just keep going and catch a bus home.

The next morning I go back, figured all the freaks would be still sleeping in their filth. Get to my car. The drivers side window is broken, trunk left open, the interior smells like piss and my ashtray of change is gone. I call the police, they give me a police report number, "for insurance purposes". Fuck, thanks guys for the magical report number. I feel so much safer now and justice has been served. Now, I don't blame the officers, I know their hands are tied due to retarded social interests and budgets.  I've worked for dozens of them and only one was an ass.

I get my car towed to an auto detailer and he was not impressed but he agreed to do the job for three hundred dollars. I wasn't going to complain, I would burn the car before cleaning that niggger bile.

Decided to call up my friendly most anxious to help insurance agent. Told her the story while she feigned concern. Well no beating around the bush with this one, straight to business, she reminds me of my five hundred dollar deductible and estimates  total damage around seven hundred dollars. Then goes on to inform me that I would probably receive two hundred dollars if I made the claim, with emphases on "if". She contiues, "Mr. Smith, (not my real name) you have a perfect driving record and never a claim. Because of this you have the lowest possible rate, if you make this claim for maybe two hundred dollars, the next time something happens your rate could skyrocket. Of course, this is your decision and you have a perfect right to make a claim".  This was followed with, what I imagined, was a great big smile and "please, please anything at all you need just call anytime, thanks so much for calling."

Well, that was an easy decision for me to make and I paid for all the damage. One great luxury car with low mileage for a great price appeared in Kijiji the next day.

I'm a pretty level headed and patient person so I'm not going to blow a gasket and start shooting me some coons, even though I feel justified in doing so. I just don't because I have a family to raise and at least I didn't get busted up. I have to wonder sometimes when people with bad tempers have these things happen to them and they end up lashing out in a violent way, is it really all their own fault?




Next time that happens to me, probably wont, I'll tell the officer that they attacked me. I'll just fucking lie, who can blame me?

And Now For Something Completely different!